In the dimly lit room, my hands trembled as I folded the notes and stored them all away within my mother's diary.

My heart raced with each revelation, the weight of the words settling heavily upon me. Her elegant handwriting told a haunting tale of secrets long buried beneath this estate.

As my eyes traced the words detailing my mother's connection to the illegal drug trade, my breath caught in my throat. The carefully sculpted image of my mother as a gentle and refined woman shattered before me. The notes painted a stark contrast, revealing a woman entangled in a world of intrigue and danger.

My mind raced, struggling to reconcile the loving imagined situations of my mother with the new knowledge from the diary entries .

I pictured my mother's warm smile, now tainted by the shadows of a double life.

Questions swirled in my mind, and a mixture of disbelief, anger, and sadness churned within me.

Tears welled up in my eyes after reading the notes, discovering the involvement of my mother's family, the Jordan's, in the illicit trade. The very name that had once stood for honor and nobility now echoed with a sinister undertone. I felt a knot in my stomach, torn between the desire to shield my mother's legacy and the need to uncover the truth.

In the midst of my turmoil, I clutched the notes against my chest, feeling the weight of my mother's secrets press upon me. The candlelight flickered, casting dancing shadows on the walls, mimicking the uncertainty that now clouded my world. With each passing moment, my determination grew stronger, to unravel the mysteries of my family's past and confront the truths that lay hidden beneath the layers of deception.

I felt the diary shake so I opened it.

I flipped through the pages, they were filled with new entries.

"More entries?" Helios asked

"Yes, indeed..... There are more...." I sniffled.

"Go ahead and read them." Jack demanded.

I started from the first entry and began to read aloud,

Dear Diary,

Today marked the beginning of my treatments with James.

His presence was like a gentle ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds of my mind. He listened earnestly as I poured out my thoughts, my anxieties, my fears.

His kind eyes never wavered, and I felt a warmth in his presence that I hadn't experienced in a long time.

Could it be possible that he truly cares? The way he offered a reassuring smile when I faltered made my heart flutter with a hope I had long abandoned.

I hope for this to not be an illusion.

- Ashley Jordan Savelli

I flipped to the next page,

Oh, dear Diary,

James has a way of soothing my troubled mind. Our conversations flow like a calm river, and his words are like balm for my wounded soul.

Today, he gently suggested techniques to cope with my anxieties, and I couldn't help but notice how his voice seemed to carry an extra ounce of concern. Is it just my imagination, or does he truly care about my progress?

The way he lingers a moment longer after our sessions makes my heart skip a beat.

Dr. Estridsen's unwavering support has become a lifeline.

His encouragement and understanding have helped me navigate the labyrinth of my mind. He's the only one who truly sees me, who hears the whispers of my heart. I've begun to believe that he cares about me, not just as a patient but as a person. The way he takes an extra moment to ask about my day, the concern that lingers in his eyes-it's as if he's become the anchor in a sea of chaos.

- Ashley Jordan Savelli

I took a breath in and flipped to the next page,

Dearest Diary,

Today I had another session with

Dr. Estridsen, and my heart swells with emotions that are difficult to name.

He remembered the details of our previous talks, the things that matter to me.

Could it be that he's invested in my well-being beyond his professional duty? Today, he shared a story from his own life, a glimpse into his world that made him seem more human, more real.

I find myself thinking of him even after our sessions end, wondering if he thinks of me too.

- Ashley Jordan Savelli

My fingers trembled as I turned the page.

My dearest Diary,

Today, I faced a particularly difficult episode, and James was there by my side. His presence felt like a shield against the storm raging within me.

He held my hand, a simple gesture that spoke volumes of his genuine care.

In that moment, I allowed myself to believe that his feelings toward me might extend beyond the realm of doctor and patient. Could he possibly feel the same connection I do?

- Ashley Jordan Savelli

I took yet another shaky breath in, just three more pages....

Still trembling, I flipped to the next page,

Dear Diary,

My heart dances with a mixture of hope and trepidation.

Dr. Estridsen's has invited me to attend a lecture on mental health awareness.

He mentioned that he'd love for me to participate in the sessions and that my perspective is invaluable.

Is this a sign that he truly values me, that he cherishes my company beyond the confines of our sessions?

My emotions are a whirlwind, a blend of gratitude and longing, and I can't help but dream that perhaps, just perhaps, he sees me as more than a patient.

- Ashley Jordan Savelli

I felt tears threatening to spill, "just two more pages, Aisha." I told myself.

I turned to the next entry and I began to read,

Oh, my faithful Diary,

The past weeks have been a delicate dance of emotions. James's caring gestures and understanding words have continued to blossom, and my feelings for him have grown deeper.

But Bill said that I must remind myself that his role as my doctor is complex, and I don't want to misconstrue his kindness. Still, he remains the only steadfast presence in my life, the one who has lifted the veil of loneliness that shrouded my existence. But he doesn't understand, James loves me and I love him.

In these pages, I share my thoughts, my hopes, and the whispers of a heart yearning for connection. The bond between us is a fragile thread, and whether it leads to something more or remains as a beacon of support, I'm grateful for the solace he brings to my tumultuous world.

- Ashley Jordan Savelli

As my heart swelled with empathy for my mother, a shadow of darkness fell over the diary pages. I turned to the final entry, I glanced over it.

The entry abruptly shifted to recount an incident involving my father, Bill.

The words revealed an ugly side of jealousy and possessiveness that had driven him to rip apart the very diary pages that held my mother's innermost thoughts.

I began to read the final page,

Dear Diary,

Bill found entries that I made about myself and James, he got mad and tore them in front of me. He yelled at James and myself, and then proceeded to strike James in front of me.

Now, for days Bill has been repeating to me,

"You are my wife, not his."

- Ashley Jordan Savelli

"Oh.... My..... God.... YOUR MOM WAS IN LOVE WITH MY DAD?!" Jack yelled.

"That's not what's important right now, Jackson." Helios sighed.

Finally, the tears spilled from my eyes, like raining clouds.

In that moment I realized all of these papers were more than just torn pages from my mother's diary, they were a window into her struggles with her mental health and the intricate web of emotions that had ensnared her.

Piecing together the fragments, my eyes traced over the delicate script that told a tale of vulnerability and connection.

The diary entries painted a poignant picture of my mother's interactions with Doctor Estridsen, a figure who seemed to provide solace in the midst of her turmoil. The words hinted at the blossoming bond between them, capturing my mother's yearning for understanding and the fleeting moments of respite Estridsen's presence brought.

My hands tightened around the torn pages, a mixture of anger and sorrow welling up within me.

The layers of my family's complex dynamics became starkly apparent, painted in ink and torn paper.

The room felt heavy with unspoken emotions, the weight of my mother's struggles and my father's insecurities palpable in the air.

As I glanced around the room, I envisioned my parents' lives unfolding against the backdrop of the society's expectations. The silencing of my mother's voice through the destruction of her own diary entries spoke volumes about the limitations placed upon women and the power dynamics that shapes their lives along with their health taken unseriously.

With a resolute breath, I gathered the torn pages in my hands, determined to piece together the fragments not only of the diary but also of my family's history, my mother's history, my mother's story.

I will continue to confront the past, unravel the truths that are hidden, and find a way to honor my mother's silenced emotions while challenging the constraints that bound us all.

But little did we all know, that this was just the beginning.

.

.

.

.

.

"Aisha, we need to go back. Your dad could be back at any minute." Jack stated.

"Okay, but we are coming back." I sighed and Jack just nodded.

As we walked out of the room, I stopped in the doorway and gave this unforsaken room a final glance, for now, before finally walking away.

Hurriedly we made our way out of the west wing, sliding past the double doors, walking past my father's office and finally going down the stairs. And once again, going up yet another flight of stairs, down another wretched hallway and finally arriving at my bedroom.

I opened the door and walked in,

"I'm so tired." I sighed.

"Same." Said Helios.

"I think it's time we all go to sleep.

Heli, there should be nightclothes on your bed." I smiled.

"Okay, thank you, Aisha. Goodnight." Helios smiled before walking out.

"I will see you in the morning, Aisha." Jack sighed and walked out too, leaving me alone in the loudness of silence.

Chapter 19 - Unrequited Love

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