There were several ferries that left Whidbey Island for Seattle every day, and when they pulled into the ferry terminal, Emersyn ran up to check the schedule and found that there were four leaving port within the next two hours. She bought tickets for herself, Kiel, and her mother in the hopes that Zeke would be on one of the three ferries. There was a seventy-five percent chance that he would be on one of the ferries they had tickets for. The odds were definitely in her favor, and so as the gates opened for the first ferry, she walked on, leaving her mother and Kiel behind to do the same just a few minutes later.

Once she was on the ferry, she ran around from floor to floor, searching for any sign of Zeke. It was only a thirty-minute ferry ride to the mainland, so she had half an hour to find him if he was on the ferry at all. She looked all over for him, darting between tired looking passengers who were probably just getting off work and heading home. Once she got to the top deck, she cupped her hands around her mouth and started calling for him, screaming his name into the gentle August winds. A few people looked at her like she was out of her mind, but she didn't care. It was worth looking crazy for a few minutes if she could find him.

But no matter how many times she called his name, he never answered her back. She went back to the floor beneath her and started searching around, even poking her head into the men's room in case he was using the restroom. After receiving some dirty and confused looks by some men standing at the urinals, she fled the restroom and went another floor below. Several minutes went by, and she felt a stitch start to form in her side as the horn blared, signaling the ferry was pulling into port. Okay, so he wasn't on her ferry. That was okay. There was still a chance he'd be on one of the others.

When the ferry she was on fully pulled into port, she bought another ticket back. This second ferry ride was significantly less frantic, and she took a seat on one of the chairs outside, sucking in air like she'd been deprived of it for weeks. Her arms cradled her side as she hung her head, wiping more sweat off her brow. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and called her mom, knowing that her ferry would be pulling into port very soon. Her mom answered on the third ring, and she sounded just as out of breath as Emersyn felt.

"Hey," Emersyn panted into the phone, gulping down some more air. "Any sign of him?"

"No," her mom replied breathlessly, and Emersyn felt her stomach sink. "I'm sorry, Emmy. I searched this whole damn ferry. Even checked the bathrooms. But he's not here. I'll be heading back soon. Hopefully Kiel will find him."

Emersyn nodded her head. "Yeah, let's hope. Thanks for helping, mom. I appreciate it."

She could practically hear her mom smile into the phone as she said, "Of course, Em. I love you. See you at port in forty-five minutes."

"Love you too," Emersyn replied, and she hung up the phone. Then she stared up at the clear night sky, looking for any signs of shooting stars. She'd been praying all night, but they seemed to be falling on deaf ears. So if prayers weren't working, maybe the wishes would. She searched the skies, hoping to catch sight of even just one star. But the meteor shower was over. And there no streaks of light in the sky, unless you counted the slow-moving airplanes flying above her. She hoped she would see Zeke again before he got on one of those planes and left her forever.

Her mind went back to the last time she'd seem him. The pain in his eyes as he pleaded with her not to leave him. And she wished she would've stayed. She blinked and felt the tears slide down her cheeks like raindrops down a mountainside. Kiel was her only hope now. And if he didn't find him, then he was gone. Most likely forever. Would she be destined to live a single life forever, waiting for him to return to her? She should've listened to Kiel sooner. Should've talked to Zeke. There were so many should'ves and what ifs running through her mind, and her future felt so foggy as she stared out over the calm waters of the Puget Sound, watching the lights from the city dance in the surface's reflection.

The ferry pulled into port, and she walked off it, sitting on a bench to wait for her mother and Kiel. By now, Kiel was probably looking for him on his ferry. Running up and down the stairs to the different decks, searching for his son. His son. Emersyn shook her head, still unable to wrap her head around it. Zeke was Kiel's son. Her dad probably would've loved that his daughter had fallen in love with his best friend's son. And then the thought occurred to her. If they found Zeke, and she ended up marrying him someday, Kiel would be her father-in-law. What an odd thought. But one that made her smile nonetheless. God, she hoped they found him. His life, and her future, depended on it.

Forty minutes later, she saw her mom step off her ferry, her head moving back and forth in a small shake, confirming what Emersyn already knew. She hadn't found him. So Kiel was, in fact, their last hope. Makayla gave her a sad smile as she sat beside her on the bench, sliding an arm across her shoulders and pulling her into her embrace. It was such a maternal thing to do, and for a moment Emersyn was surprised Makayla had it in her. But she was beginning to think Makayla had it in her all along. She just needed Emersyn to forgive her before she could show it.

Emersyn rested her head on her mother's shoulder and heaved a deep sigh. "I'm glad you're here," she said, and she meant it. It was a long time since she'd felt the warmth of a mother's comfort. Not since she'd left her grandmother had she been hugged this way, and it made tears burn her eyes. "Can I tell you something?" she asked, nervous about what she was about to say. Worried it would make her sound crazy.

Her mother nodded her head. "You can tell me anything, Em." And for the first time in her life, she knew it was true.

"Earlier tonight, I saw grandma," she said, biting her lip nervously. "She woke me up from a nap, ate dinner with me, and then told me I should go to the graveyard to watch the meteor shower with dad. That's why I was there tonight. She said I wouldn't be able to see the shower at first, but eventually the clouds would break and everything would seem more clear."

"That sounds like a lovely dream," her mom said, and she could feel her smiling against her head.

Emersyn hesitated for a moment, unsure if she should say what she was really thinking. "I'm not sure it was a dream though," she finally said. "I mean... it didn't feel like a dream at all. I feel like I actually did eat dinner and talk to her. I know it sounds insane."

Her mom shook her head. "No, I don't think it is." She paused for a moment, and Emersyn felt like she had something more to say. "I actually had a dream last night too. Your dad was in it. He came to me and told me he missed me, and that I should come and visit him at the graveyard. I spent the whole day debating on whether or not I should go. It was only a dream, or at least that's what I kept telling myself. But it felt so real. So I went, and I ran into you. I think we were supposed to find each other tonight."

A warmth spread through Emersyn, and she grinned at the thought that her grandma and her dad had teamed up to get the two of them together. "I like that," she said, and her mom nodded her head in agreement. "When are you going back to Seattle?"

Makayla sighed. "I'm not sure. I should probably go home soon. I can't put work off forever. But I'd like to stay for a few more days."

"You know," Emersyn began, suddenly anxious about what she was about to say, "you could come back to the island. Permanently? Maybe you could move into the house with me?" She didn't want to say it, but she really hoped her mom would say yes. It had been her lifelong dream to see her mother return to live with her in that house. Something she'd prayed and wished for since she was too young to remember when.

"That sounds like a lovely idea," her mom replied. "But I don't think it would be healthy for me. Just being in there the other night with you brought back too many memories. And if I'm being honest, Em, I'm still not over your dad. Which is why I decided to stay single for a while longer. Get some help. And I was going to ask you if you wanted to be a part of that journey with me? I think it would do us both some good. That's why I came back to the house in the first place. After I got your letter, I started thinking maybe therapy was what we both needed. Which is why I was hoping you would come back to live in the apartment with me."

Emersyn bit her lip, considering her mom's unasked request. Would it really be so bad to move back into the city if it meant she could finally work things out properly with her mother? And what would happen to the house if she left? There were too many what ifs, and she had enough in her mind already without adding more. "I'll think about it," she said, and her mom nodded her head, letting the subject go for the time being. They didn't speak anymore after that. Emersyn's thoughts were too busy thinking about Zeke and Kiel and the city and her mother to form much of a coherent sentence. And suddenly she felt so drained. Like every ounce of energy had been zapped out of her. It had been such an emotional day. And it wasn't even over yet.

She wanted to call Kiel and get an update, but she was too afraid of what he would say. Part of her hoped the reason he hadn't called her yet was because he and Zeke were having a heart to heart. But she couldn't shake the feeling that it was over. They'd chosen the wrong ferries, and now Zeke was well on his way to Seattle And in a few hours he'd be on his way to wherever he was going next. She assumed Tulsa, but maybe not. Maybe he would continue hiding his illness from Mona until it was too late. She hoped not. Whether it would break her heart or not, his mother deserved to know how sick he actually was.

Kiel's ferry slowly pulled into port, and she felt her heartbeats quadruple in her chest as she waited for the small group of people to get off. It was so late. Closing in on midnight. The only people who were on the ferry this late at night were partiers or folks who worked late shifts in the city. When people began walking off the ferry, Emersyn and Makayla got to their feet, searching for signs of Kiel and Zeke together. Emersyn held her hands in prayer to her lips, her eyes wide as quarters as she scanned the small group of people. And finally, they found Kiel, his face coated in perspiration like he'd just been hit by a rain cloud. His eyes locked on hers, and she knew before he even shook his head that it was over.

Her knees wobbled, and Makayla must've been able to sense this, because she grabbed hold of her daughter's arm, holding her up. Kiel walked over to the pair of them, his crestfallen eyes meeting Emersyn's. Her lips quivered, and Kiel pulled her into a hug, just like he'd done the day they'd found out about Zeke's illness at the hospital. "I'm sorry, Em. But he wasn't there. We must've been too late." He choked on his own words as he was overcome with emotion, and Emersyn hated this. She knew how she was feeling. Guilty and miserable, as she truly believed she'd just lost the love of her life. But she couldn't imagine how Kiel was feeling. After all, he'd just lost a son. A son he didn't even know he had until just a couple hours ago. But a son he'd gotten to know and love over the course of the last several months. And now he'd never get a chance to help him.

Emersyn cried into his shoulder for some time, drawing the attention of the occasional onlookers as they walked by, wondering what on earth was wrong so late at night. Her heart was way past broken at this point. It was shattered beyond repair. She would never be the same, and as she looked at her uncle's red face and puffy eyes, she knew he would never be the same either. Over twenty years ago, he'd had his heart broken by a girl he was crazy about. And now it was probably like it was happening all over again. She hated it and would give anything to turn back time just a few hours to make it all right again.

Makayla offered to take them out to eat, but neither of them wanted food. All they wanted was to go home. So the three of them drove in silence back to Coupeville. Every so often, the silence in the car would break with a soft sniffle or sob, but nobody talked. There was nothing anyone could say. The pain was unexplainable. Grief beyond her wildest nightmares. She closed her eyes and pressed her cheek to the window, watching the trees pass by and looking forward to the moment she could collapse on her bed and sleep. Hopefully, when she woke up, it would all be a dream. And she would have another chance to fix things. But she seriously doubted it. Life didn't work that way. There were no do overs. You just had to live with the choices you made, good or bad. Like it or not.

They dropped Kiel off first, and they watched as he trudged slowly up to his house, a broken shell of a man now. Emersyn understood how he felt. She'd lost almost everything she'd ever loved too. She knew and understood the hurt well. Emersyn turned to look over at her mother and saw she had a strange expression on her face as she stared at the house, uncertain of what she should do next. And it hit Emersyn in that moment that she'd already had her heart-to-heart with her mom that night. Maybe it was time her mom had one with Kiel too. After all, they had been best friends once. Maybe he needed his best friend again.

"You should go in there and talk to him," Emersyn said, breaking the silence that had been filling the car for far too long. Her mom looked at her, surprised and unsure. "Seriously. He needs a friend right now. You should go in there and be that for him."

Makayla bit her lip, but then shook her head. "No. I can't. He hates me after everything I did. I seriously doubt he even wants to look at me, let alone talk to me."

Emersyn's lips pulled up into a sad smile. "Mom, I think he really needs you to be there for him right now. Seriously, trust me, okay?" Her mom stared at her, still unsure. "And don't worry about me. I'll be okay," she lied, hoping her mom would believe her. "The house is right down the street from here, and I could use the walk to clear my head. But Kiel really needs a friend right now. Go to him, mom."

Her mom sighed, reached forward, and wrapped her arms around her into a tight hug. "I love you so much, Emersyn. And if you need me for anything at all, call me. I'm not leaving this island until I know you're going to be okay." That would probably be a long time, Emersyn thought to herself, but she didn't speak it out loud. She just returned her mother's squeeze, gave her a soft smile, and watched as she headed up the couple steps to Kiel's house before walking inside without knocking. It made her happy to know Kiel wouldn't be alone, and it also gave her some time to herself to think. And she really needed that time. It had been such a long day.

She got out of her mom's car and started walking back to the old house, her mind replaying everything that had happened during the day and wondering what she could've done differently. And she hated that she would most likely be thinking this way for the rest of her life. She wanted to cry. Felt like she was going to. But the tears just wouldn't come, and she thought maybe it was possible she'd cried herself out. Or maybe she was just too exhausted to cry. She rubbed her hands through her long hair, taking in deep breaths like Doris had said to do when they were at the hospital. It was hard to believe that was just a few days ago.

When she finally reached her house, it was closing in on one in the morning. She stared at the old house that had been her home for so long, but for the first time it looked wholly uninviting. And she dreaded going inside, knowing how lonely she would be within those walls by herself. Maybe her mother was right. Maybe it would be a good move for her to return to the city. To leave this place behind. And it wouldn't be like last time. She could still come and visit her friends and Kiel. She would stay in touch, because she didn't feel like she had to leave it all behind anymore to focus her whole life on her mother. They were working toward being okay, and Emersyn knew that with therapy and a lot of talks, they would manage to grow even closer. But the idea of living in the old house alone wasn't pleasing anymore. Not now that Zeke was gone.

She breathed in deeply as she made her way up the old rickety steps and rested her hand on the doorknob. Then she turned the knob and pushed the door open, waiting for the loneliness to fully kick in as she walked into an empty house. A house that was so quiet, and yet somehow loud with painful memories. Her eyes were at her feet as she closed the door behind her, readying herself to shuffle on up to bed and sleep until the hurt melted away. If it ever did. But when she looked up, she was startled to see she was not alone in the house after all.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

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