He looked up when she walked in, and his eyes lit up at the sight of her. She didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or scream. His face still looked pale, but not as bad as it had that morning. He'd switched out of the clothes he'd been wearing earlier and into a hospital gown, and he had one of those hospital bracelets on his wrist. He smiled brightly when he saw her, but he still looked so tired. The nurse turned around and left them alone, and Emersyn moved slowly over to Zeke, who had his arm outstretched, reaching a hand out for her.

It felt like her voice had completely run away from her. She didn't know what to say. She was so happy he was all right, and yet he still didn't look like himself. He almost looked like a ghost. She sat on his bed and held his hand, looking down at his bracelet. And then she saw something that made her voice come back to her at last. "Ezekiel? Your name is Ezekiel?"

He looked down at his bracelet and smiled. "Yeah. But I'm not a fan. It doesn't really fit me, ya know? My mom is the only one who ever calls me that. Everyone else just calls me Zeke."

"I like it," she said, still playing with his bracelet, stroking it softly with her thumb and index finger. "But I guess I like both."

Another silence fell between them, this one a little longer than the first. And then finally he sighed and said, "Well, I guess... we should talk." She looked up at him, staring into his eyes for the first time since she walked into the room. God, they looked so sunken. How could he look so different than he did the night before? It didn't make any sense. "This is really hard for me to tell you, Em. I was hoping I wouldn't have to. But... I haven't exactly been honest with you."

She felt the blood drain from her face. "About what?" she asked. She didn't know how she could even speak with her mouth being so dry.

"I...," he began, and then he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "I'm afraid to tell you," he whispered, and she saw his eyes glaze over. "I'm scared that if you know, you won't want to be with me anymore. And I don't think... I can't handle that. It's selfish and cruel, and I know. I just can't not be with you."

More tears, but she just choked on a laugh, not quite sure she believed what he was saying. "Oh my goodness, Zeke. Is this the part where you tell me about your dangerous past, revealing all your deep dark secrets to me?"

He shook his head. "No. This is the part where I tell you I have Leukemia." He said it so quickly, like he was trying to rip off a Bandaid. She felt like the floor had been pulled out from under her. Like the ground had opened up just to swallow her whole. Her heart had come to a total and complete stop in her chest. She looked into his eyes for some sign that it was a joke. Some sign that he was kidding. She was waiting for him to shout out "Gotcha!" But he wasn't looking at her at all anymore, and it was this more than anything else that told her what he said was true.

"Leukemia," she repeated, as if tasting the word on her tongue. It was an ugly word with a terrible taste, and she never wanted to say it again.

He closed his eyes, as if hearing the word come from her lips pained him. "Yeah. And I know it was so shitty I didn't tell you. I wanted to a thousand times, but how do you tell someone you're basically dying?"

Dying. Her chest was tightening. "But... they have medicine for that now, right? Like treatment? Maybe you can get some of—"

"I have been," he interrupted. "Every week. Every Monday morning, I go to a doctor in the city to get chemotherapy. I stay at a hotel for the night, and then I go back to the island on Tuesday."

She thought back to all the times he'd gone to the city on Monday morning, and all the times he'd come back tired on Tuesday afternoon. "But doesn't that have like... I don't know... side effects? Like don't most people lose their hair when they have...?" She couldn't say it again.

"Some people don't lose their hair," he answered simply as he shrugged his shoulders. Then he scoffed and said, "I guess I'm the one of the lucky ones."

There was no air in her lungs now. Everything was so tight, like someone was literally squeezing the oxygen out of her body. She remembered how he said he was dying just a few moments ago, and there was no way that could be true. No way the universe, or God, or whatever it was, could be so cruel as to take away her father, her mother, her grandparents, and now Zeke. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be. Not now. Not ever.

"Emersyn, I'm so sorry," Zeke said, and his voice was shaking with suppressed tears. "I hate this. I hate that I finally found someone I could see myself being with, and it's too late. And for a moment I thought maybe it wasn't. I thought the chemo was working. I was feeling better. Happier. I thought there was a chance...." He trailed off, and she didn't want to know what he had been about to say.

She shook her head, trying to find the strength in her to speak. "But... why did you come here? If you're dying, why would you travel across the country to come here and spend your summer in a graveyard?" She thought back to the way he'd reacted when he'd seen her paintings in the studio. The tears that she'd seen in his eyes.

He took a deep breath. "My doctor in Oklahoma said, after the first round of chemo didn't do much to help me, that maybe we should try a bone marrow transplant. Sometimes, when a person with Leukemia gets a bone marrow transplant, their cancer goes into remission. I don't really understand all of it. But I don't have anyone around to give me a transplant. My mom, who knows nothing about this, can't do it. I've done the research. You can't give bone marrow if you take regular steroids for asthma. Which she does."

"I'll do it," she said, and for a moment she felt a flicker of hope. It was an easy solution. Something she wished he would've asked her a long time ago.

"It's not that simple, Em," he said, shaking his head. "It has to be a match for my bone marrow. And apparently, I'm not easy to match with. Basically, the only way I'm going to get a bone marrow match is if I get extraordinarily lucky, or if—"

"A family member donates some of theirs to you," she said, interrupting him. He nodded his head slowly. Everything was starting to fall into place. He wasn't just there to find a connection to his family. He was there hoping to find someone to give him a chance at living. She didn't understand the emotion flowing through her at the moment. It would make sense if she felt scared or sad. But more than anything, she just felt anger. It was like he'd lied to her the whole summer. All that time together, all those hours in the graveyard. And he never told her the real reason why.

But the doctors are going to release me tomorrow," he said, giving her a smile she didn't return. "And I'm going to start looking in the graveyard again. I mean, he's got to be in there somewhere, right? If I can find him, then maybe I can find someone who can help save me."

She felt her body begin to quiver slightly, and when he reached out to her, she pulled away. He blinked in surprise as her eyes turned to slits. "I trusted you so much. Everything about my past. All the things I've gone through. I lost my dad. My grandpa and grandma. My mom left me. I have no one left. And you...." She didn't know how to say it without coming across as a jerk.

"You can say it," he said, as if reading her thoughts.

Her lips pursed as she jumped to her feet, glaring at him. "You made me fall in love with you. And you knew the whole time that you were dying. Is that what you meant? When you said you weren't planning on being here long?" He winced at her question before slowly nodding his head. It was like he'd slapped her across the face. "You lied to me."

He shook his head, looking suddenly desperate. "No! I didn't! I just didn't tell—"

"What's the difference?" she yelled, and she was amazed at how angry she sounded, even to herself. "A lie of omission is still a lie! I trusted you. I loved you. And you couldn't trust me with this?"

"No, it wasn't like that," he replied, practically pleading. "Emersyn, please. You have to understand. I'm scared. A year ago, I was in college. I was studying to be a zoologist. I was happy. And then I started feeling tired all the time. And then the bloody noses started. And the bruises that wouldn't go away. I was stunned by the diagnosis and was forced to drop out of school because the chemo made me feel so sick all the time. I couldn't tell my mom because it would kill her. I'm all she has and knowing I'm dying would destroy her. I didn't want to tell her until I had to. So I've been dealing with this alone the whole time."

"That was a choice you made for yourself," she growled as she shook her head.

He bowed his head. "I know. But I just thought I could fix it on my own. Before anyone had to find out. So I came here, hoping to find family to give me a transplant. And I met Kiel. And you. I fell so in love with you. But I was scared that, if I was with you, and I died, it would destroy you. Like my dad's death destroyed my mom. So I fought my feelings for weeks. I should've never... I should've never gotten so close to you. I should've pulled back. I just couldn't do it. Couldn't stand it. And there was a part of me, deep down, that worried you wouldn't want to be with me if you knew the truth. I couldn't handle that."

His words stung. "But you could handle lying to me? Not giving me the choice? Maybe I would've chosen to stick with you. To be with you until you got better or until you...." She couldn't say it. "This is the worst thing you could've done to me. I feel like you tricked me."

A tear slid down his pale cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to. Please, Emersyn. Please don't be angry."

Images of all the people she'd loved in her life who had died flashed through her mind. She couldn't count the number of times she'd visited them at the graveyard that summer. And suddenly she pictured a new headstone, like all the others she'd painted over the last few months. Surrounded by flowers and other gifts. The name Ezekiel Thatcher etched in the hard stone, sitting above his date of birth and his date of death. She was shaking violently, and all the sounds of the room were making everything worse. It was like her senses had been dulled all day, and suddenly they just magnified by a thousand. All she could hear was the beeping of the machines and the sound of doctors and nurses outside the door. She could smell the bleach cleaner used by the hospital to scrub up bodily fluids. Could practically taste the blood in the air. And all she could see was Zeke's eyes. Those beautiful light blue eyes, so full of pain and suffering.

She hated everything. Everything in her life that had ever made her hurt. Every single moment that led up to this one. The one where she felt like she was having, not just her heart, but all of her bodily organs ripped out of her piece by piece. Like a monster had attacked her and was chewing on her, tearing her to bits. She hated everything. She hated... she hated....

"I hate you," she whispered, and the words startled even herself. Tears burned at her eyes, and she was furious that she had ever cried in front of this man. This man who she had trusted with everything she had, but couldn't trust her in return. This man who would rather lie to her than allow her to love him as he truly was. Sick. Dying. "I hate you, and I hate that you did this to me."

Zeke inhaled a sharp breath, and for a moment he looked too stunned to speak. Then he shook his head in disbelief and said, "You think I wanted this? You think I woke up one morning at the age of twenty and said, 'Man, it sure would be nice if I got sick and died of cancer'? You honestly believe I would've chosen this for myself? Open your eyes, Emersyn. You may hate me, but there is nothing you can say or do that would make me hate myself even more. My body. I feel like it's given up on me right as I'm about to start living. And I'm fucking furious. You hate me? You have no idea what that word actually means."

She didn't know what to say. He was right, and she knew it. It wasn't like he'd asked to be sick. But she didn't ask to fall in love with a dying man either. And she didn't really hate him. She couldn't. But that was the problem. She loved him too much. And she felt so betrayed, not just by him, but by the universe. By God.

"I can't stay here," she said, suddenly overwhelmed by everything that had happened that day. His anger switched back to desperation, and he opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head, silencing him. "No," she said firmly. "You and I are done. This," she pointed at the empty space between them, "is over. I can't be with you if you aren't going to be honest with me."

"Emersyn, I'm sorry," he cried, sitting up straighter in his bed. He threw his legs over the edge, trying to get to his feet so he could get to her. But he had so many cables attached to different areas of his body, and they were like ropes holding him back. She took a step toward the door. "Please don't leave. Please. I'm going to make it right. I'm not giving up. I'm going back to the graveyard to find him. And I'll fight this for you. I swear to God. I will not die on you. Please just give me another chance? One more? And I will never lie to you again."

She wanted to tell him she was sorry too. Sorry for all the things she'd said just moments ago. That she didn't really hate him at all. That her heart burned for him, and the idea of a life without him ached like someone broke every bone in her body. But her hurt and anger won over. She shook her head, taking another step toward the door, wishing she had the courage to tell him how she really felt, but knowing she didn't have the strength to be hurt anymore. All she'd had was a lifetime of loss. If he thought he was dying, maybe it was best to end this thing before he actually did. Maybe then it would sting less when he left this mortal plane forever.

"Please don't leave me," he half-sobbed, and it was too much. She couldn't take another minute in that room. Of that place. So she turned on her heel and stormed out of the hospital room, ignoring the sound of his cries as she ran down the hall and out the double doors leading back into the waiting room. Kiel was still there, as was her mother, and they both jumped at the sight of her, hoping to get some sort of news. But she was too angry. Too hurt. And there was no way she would be able to tell them everything he'd told her. So she stalked right past them and out the emergency room doors, making her way back to her car.

She sat in the driver's seat for a long time, trying to breathe in and out. A few times she considered running back inside and telling Zeke her own truths. How much she loved him, and how scared she was to lose him the way she'd lost her father and her grandparents. How sorry she was for being angry. And how she would never leave him, no matter what happened. But in the end, she decided to just go home. She was tired of being left by everyone she cared about. For the first time, she was going to leave them.

Chapter Thirty-Four

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