"Told you," Avery said, and Emersyn could hear the smirk in her friend's voice. She was sitting in her grandma's old studio, a paintbrush in one hand and her phone in the other. It was hard to believe that, less than 24 hours ago, Zeke had been in that very room, his lips on hers, his fingers like fire when they touched her skin.

"Shut up," Emersyn replied, but she was smiling too, mostly at the memory. He'd stayed in that room with her for a long time, talking and making out. It had been close to four in the morning when he finally left, and only because he'd been starting to fall asleep. Emersyn had considered letting him stay the night, but she wasn't sure if he was ready for that. She wasn't even sure if she was ready for that. Although the thought was there, especially every time she thought about how his touch made her feel. She was already craving it, and he hadn't even been gone that long.

"So, like," Avery said over the phone, "are you guys official now? Or are you still dancing around the obvious?"

"Well, he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend or anything," she said, dipping her paintbrush into a mixture of green and gray. "But he did say he loved me. So I'm thinking we're official. Also, I think I'm going to ask him if he wants to go to the Fourth of July Parade with me tomorrow."

"Maybe you can make fireworks while watching fireworks," Avery said teasingly. And there was that smirk again.

Emersyn rolled her eyes, but she could feel the heat rising in her face. "Yeah okay. Sure. But seriously, what do you think? Should I?"

"Duh," Avery replied. "Of course you should. Axel and I are going too. He and his new girlfriend already split up, so he'll be on the prowl looking for someone new. Unless you just want it to be a date. In which case, you better tell me because you know my brother won't get the hint."

It's true. Axel was totally oblivious to the world around him. Emersyn was just about to say something when she heard a knock on the studio door. A smile formed on her lips as she thought back, again, to the night before. "I'll let you know. But I gotta go. There's a knock on the door."

"Wonder who it could be?" Avery said in a singsong voice, and Emersyn laughed. She pressed the hang up button on her phone and walked over to the door. But it wasn't Zeke, like she was expecting. It was Kiel, and he was dressed up in a nice shirt and slacks.

"Hi?" he said when he saw her, a frown on her face and paint staining her fingers and clothes. "Okay, so I guess you aren't ready." She stared at him, trying to remember what she should be ready for. "It's... uh... Cader's birthday."

She could feel the color drain from her face as it hit her. July 3rd was her dad's birthday. And every year, she would spend the day with Kiel and her grandparents as they celebrated the day together in Port Townsend before going to Ye Ole Fish N Chips for dinner. Usually they'd end the day by putting a captain's hat on his headstone. It was a tradition they'd done together every year while Emersyn was living there. They had just talked about reestablishing the tradition a couple days ago, but in all the excitement with Zeke, it completely slipped her mind.

"I totally forgot!" she said, wiping her fingers on her old painting apron. "I am so, so sorry. Give me thirty minutes and I'll be ready to go."

He smiled at her as she rushed past him and into the house. "All right!" he called. "But I'm leaving without you in thirty-one minutes, so hurry up!"

She laughed, knowing full well he was teasing, and ran to the bathroom. Her face fell when she saw she had paint all over her face and hair. Knowing she didn't have enough time to take a shower, she cleaned the paint off her face and scrubbed at whatever spots were visible in her hair. Then she threw it back in a long ponytail and started doing her makeup.

She couldn't believe she'd forgotten about her dad's birthday. With everything that had been going on with Zeke and his father, she'd completely forgotten about her own. A ball of guilt started forming in her chest, and she felt ashamed. She ran to her bedroom and threw on a cute teal green patterned summer dress and white flip-flops. Then she grabbed her sunglasses, placed them on the top of her head in the hopes they would cover any leftover paint in her hair she'd missed, and headed into the living room, where Kiel was staring at something sitting on the coffee table.

"Sorry the place is such a mess," she said, realizing she hadn't really picked anything up since the last time he was there. "I've just been so busy with everything lately that I haven't had a chance." But he wasn't listening to her. He was staring at something on the table, and his eyes were glazed over and wistful. "Kiel?" she said.

"Huh?" he replied, looking up at her as he pulled himself out of his reverie. "Hey, you look great! Ready to go?"

"Yeah," she said, trying to find what he was looking at on the coffee table. But the only thing she could see were the books she'd shown to Zeke on the day she began helping him at the graveyard. "Ready when you are."

Kiel smiled at her and stood up. She turned around to open the door. "Ladies first," she said, a smirk playing across her face. He walked by and poked her on the forehead, sticking out his tongue. She laughed and closed and locked the door behind her.

They spent the day in Port Townsend, and Emersyn found a cute statuette of Christ to put on the gravestone with the captain's hat. Her dad had had dreams of following in his dad's footsteps to become a pastor, and he'd been working as a preacher for the church when he'd died. She'd always been told he'd been a bit of a rambunctious guy, always getting into mischief. But he was incredibly devout, and he never missed church on Sunday. She wished she could say the same about herself, as she'd only just started going to church again when she'd come home. But her mom had never been into it, and going alone hadn't sounded very fun at the time.

When the blue sky began to turn to orange, they made their way to the restaurant. Emersyn ordered what she always ordered: Crispy fried catfish with collard greens and tomatoes. Kiel ordered a surf-n-turf, which came with a filet mignon and a lobster tail. It was expensive, but it was the only time he ever ordered it. He treated himself better on her dad's birthday than he did even on his own. It made her heart hurt thinking about it. It had been over sixteen years since her dad had died, and still his best friend celebrated his birthday like he was still there. She asked him about it once, and he told her it was because he was still there with him. He was having dinner with his best friend through his daughter.

"So Zeke got home late last night," Kiel said while they waited for their food. Emersyn tried to put on her best poker face, but she knew he could see through it. "Yeah, that's what I thought," he said, and she bit her lip and looked down. "I'm actually not sure how I should feel about it. I mean, you're like a daughter to me, Em. I feel protective of you. And normally I'd sit down and have a chat with him about how he better treat you right. But...."

"It's Zeke," she finished for him, and he nodded. "I know. Don't worry, Kiel. He's a great guy. And I'm a little tougher than I look, you know."

He smiled at her. "I know. You get that from your dad. He was always getting into scrapes, but he never let it get to him. Everything just rolled off his shoulders. Never met a man who was more carefree and caring at the same time. Just like you. Just please be careful. There are some scrapes you can't get out of. And I think you know what I'm talking about."

She nodded. He was talking about sex. Pregnancy. STDs. Her face turned red. "Yeah, I know. But that's... I mean... don't worry about that. That's not what he was doing at my place last night. We were just talking."

"Uh huh, sure," Kiel said, and she rolled her eyes. "Just make sure one night of talking doesn't ruin your life, Emersyn. That's all I'm saying. Aside from that, I mean... you're an adult now. All I want is for you to be happy and careful."

"Okay," she said, as the server began walking toward them with their food. "I promise. I'll be careful. If or when that time comes."

She was so thankful when the server set down their food, because it signaled the end of that conversation. Kiel didn't mention Zeke again for the rest of the night, and Emersyn was relieved. They ate their meals, and Emersyn couldn't believe she'd forgotten about that place. She'd loved it growing up, just like her dad had before her. She even had a memory of going there with him. It was an old, distant memory, like faded ink on old paper. But she remembered her dad putting an old captain's hat on her head. It had been too big for her, but she was sure she still had it somewhere, packed away and collecting dust in her garage. It was one of the only memories she had of him. His face was fuzzy in her mind, but she was pretty sure she remembered his laugh. It was always how she imagined Santa's laugh. Deep and from the belly. Full of joy. He loved being a dad to her. And it was unfair that he couldn't be there with her. But that was a lesson she'd had to learn young. Life wasn't always fair. In fact, it hardly ever was.

They finished their meals, Kiel put the money on the table, and Emersyn asked for a captain's hat before they left. The server looked confused, because the hats were typically for kids. But she brought her one anyway, and Emersyn held onto it the whole way back to Coupeville. Their last stop for the night was the graveyard, and it was always her least favorite part of the evening. She'd always spend the day like she was visiting with an old friend, and then at the end of it she had to say goodbye all over again. The pain never did go away. In fact, it got worse the more time went on. Because it was just another year without her dad. Another year of her life that he had to miss.

She'd lived her life knowing her dad had given his to save others. Her grandparents and Kiel told her the story a million times growing up. She had flashes of memory from that night herself, but they were brief. Like the flash of a camera. He'd seen a house on fire while they were on their way home from the park, and he knew a family lived there. A husband and wife with their two kids. A picture perfect family. The fire department wasn't there yet, and her dad knew the family would die if someone didn't help. And he was a volunteer firefighter. So he ran in to help the family. And he'd saved them. They made it out. But her dad hadn't been so lucky. He'd been crushed when the top floor collapsed on top of him.

And she wished they hadn't gone to the park that day. She wished he'd been selfish for once. That he'd driven by the house and let the fire department take care of it. Sure, that family would probably be dead. But her dad would be with her. And her mom might've been too. Everything could've been so different. If only.

They made it to the graveyard just as the sky was starting to go from orange to a dark blue. Kiel led the way to the grave, and she didn't know why it was bothering her so much today. She'd visited the grave a thousand times since she'd come home. Every day while she was helping Zeke. But today was different. And she couldn't help it. The tears were falling now, hard and fast, and for the first time since she came back to town, she wished she could leave.

Kiel turned and looked at her, and she was surprised to see he was crying too. He gave her a sympathetic, tearful smile and gently grabbed hold of her arm. And together they walked to the grave. The name Cader Collins practically glowed on the stone, and the two of them didn't say anything. They just stood there, staring at the name, their hands touching the cool marble. Emersyn put the statuette of Christ and the captain's hat on the ground under his name. She really hoped she still had hers, and she made a mental note to try and find it among her grandma's hoard in the garage when she got home.

"I'm sorry, Em," Kiel whispered, his voice thick with his own tears. "I've tried hard to be there for you, but I'm a poor substitute. It should've been him. He really loved being a dad. Your parents were so young when your mom got pregnant with you, but I'd never seen him happier than when he was with you and your mom. He was a great dad to you."

And she realized, in that moment, that she was crying for more than just her dad. Because her dad hadn't been the only casualty in that fire. "Do you think...," she began, and then she hesitated, wondering if she should even finish the thought that had been eating at her since she'd stumbled across her mom's old journal all those weeks ago. Then she took a breath and said, "Do you think she really wanted me?"

He didn't have to ask who she was talking about. He just wiped at his eyes and said, "Yeah. I do. But people handle loss differently. Your grandparents handled it because they had you. They saw him in you. I handled it by knowing I had to step up for you. But I think your mom saw too much of him in you. And I think it was just a constant reminder, you know? Of what she'd lost. Because, Emersyn, she loved him more than you could even imagine. And he was there one day, and gone the next, and all she had was you. And to everyone else, you were more than enough. You were the greatest gift we'd ever been given, because you were half of him. But to her, you just reminded her of what she'd lost. And she couldn't take it."

The words in her mom's journal burned her soul. She didn't think Kiel knew about her mom's affair. At least, he'd never said anything. Part of her wondered if he would be telling her these things about her mom if he knew the truth about her. Would he still think her mom had loved her dad so much if he knew her secret?

Emersyn nodded her head, keeping her eyes away from him so he wouldn't see the pain in her face. But there was still one more question she had lingering in her mind. "Do you think she loves me?" And she meant now. Not then.

He placed a tender hand on top of her head in a comforting gesture. "Yes. I think she does. I think she always has. It's impossible not to love you. And I think, if you really think about it, you'll see it. Do you really believe she would be that upset with you about dropping out of college if she didn't love you? She wants you to live your best life. But maybe she doesn't understand what that is for you. I think you two need to talk about it. Shutting her out isn't the answer. It's not what your dad would have wanted for either one of you. And I know she loves you, Em. Trust me."

She wanted to believe him. She did. But she'd seen the journal herself. Her mom's own words. And the truth was her mom had never wanted to be a mom. Therefore, her mom had never really wanted her. That's why she left after her dad died. That's why she never tried to get in contact with Emersyn. Why she never bothered to come back. Makayla Collins had never wanted to be a mother to her, or anyone else. So when Cader died, she didn't feel the need to stay anymore. And not for the first time, Emersyn wondered if her mom had even loved her dad at all, or if her true love had been Ed. The mystery man Emersyn desperately wanted to meet, and yet couldn't imagine meeting at the same time. The man who could've ruined everything if the fire hadn't done it first.

"Come on," Kiel said, nudging her shoulder softly with his own and forcing her out of her thoughts. "Let's go home." She nodded her head. She was beyond ready to go home. "Happy birthday, bud. See you next year."

"Happy birthday, daddy," she whispered, and the two of them turned around and left the graveyard together. And then something Kiel said popped into her head. "Hey, Kiel?" she said, and he looked at her. "You... umm... you weren't a poor substitute. Just so you know."

He smiled softly at her. "I love you, Em. Thank you."

And he would never know how much she did love him. Sure, he wasn't her dad. But he was the next best thing. Not a poor substitute. In a way, he was just as much a gift to her as she was to him. And she was so thankful he'd stayed around to be there for her. A simple 'I love you' just didn't cut it. But it was the best reply she could think up at the moment. So she just smiled back, leaned her head on his shoulder, and said, "I love you too."

Chapter Twenty-Six

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