Zeke was right on time the next day, knocking on her front door at exactly noon. She was so excited to see him that she'd gotten up early that morning to make sure she was ready to go on time as well. It was weird. She knew it wasn't a date. But for some reason it felt more like a date than any other outing they'd had together. She thought back to that night at the bonfire, and how he'd had his hands on her body as they danced in the firelight. How they'd stared up at the stars for hours talking about old astrological stories she'd read as a kid. How they'd held hands that whole night.

She really wanted to be more with him, but she didn't want to force anything. So when she opened her front door that afternoon and saw him standing there, she didn't touch him. As happy as she was that they were hanging out again, she wanted to put some physical distance between them. She really was tired of being pushed away and then pulled back in. She needed to maintain some level of distance from him, if only to protect her own heart. And maybe in time, her feelings for him would begin to shift from romantic love to something much more platonic.

"Hey," he said, smiling when he saw her in a way that made her want to swoon. "You look fantastic." She wished she could say she hadn't put anything more into her appearance than she usually did, but it would've been a lie. She'd spent a couple hours on her hair alone, making sure her long ginger locks were done up in the perfect side braid. Her makeup was as close to perfect as she could get, and she was wearing her favorite summer dress. She wasn't trying to send him any signals. But she loved seeing that smile on his face. She loved the way it made her feel.

"Thank you," she said, fighting a blush as she closed and locked the door behind her. They walked together down the steps and onto the sidewalk. The ice cream shop was just a few minutes down the road into town, so she didn't think it was worth bringing the car. They talked the whole way to the shop, and as they talked she could feel herself moving closer to him. At one point his hand grazed hers, and she felt like they were magnets being drawn to each other. But then she reminded herself the importance of distance, and she subtly moved away from him.

She ordered her ice cream and his frozen lemonade, and they walked together out in the summer sun. And then finally, he said, "So there's kind of a reason I wanted to hang out today."

She raised her eyebrows. "You mean other than to apologize for being a crazy jerk the other night?" she said, taking a tiny bite of her cookie dough ice cream cone.

He winced, but nodded. "Yeah. And I really am sorry, by the way. About all of that. And everything else too."

"Apology accepted," she said, smiling.

He grinned. "Excellent. But the other reason I wanted to hang out today is that... well... I got the results back. The DNA results. They came in the mail yesterday."

Her jaw fell. "Oh my goodness! Zeke!" She gave him a gentle shoulder nudge, which went against her no touching rule. "You're holding out on me. What did it say?"

He gave her a tiny nervous grin and shrugged. "Actually, I don't know. It's in my pocket. I guess I haven't been brave enough to open it yet. So I thought maybe we could open it together?"

"Are you sure?" she asked, staring at him so she could get a proper read of his reaction. "Because I know I did this with you, but it wouldn't hurt my feelings if you wanted to open it in private."

"No," he replied. Then he shook his head. "I mean, yeah. I'm sure. I tried to open it a few times yesterday, but I just kept thinking about you. And how I was a total ass to you the other night. And how I really didn't want to find out without you next to me. Is that okay?"

She nodded. "It's more than okay. Tell you what. Let's open it at the beach. I know a pretty quiet spot. It'll probably be just the two of us. And then we can open it together and process the news in a little bit of privacy."

He agreed with this idea, so she led him to a very secluded spot on the beach. And as she expected, there was no one else around. They were completely alone, which made her blood feel like it was on fire. No. She needed to stop thinking about him like that. It wasn't going to happen. They sat down on a rock together and finished their treats, and the whole time she was very much aware of how close her fingers were to his. She could feel the space between them buzzing, like an electric fence going haywire. She wished she could turn it off.

Once their treats were finished, he took a deep breath and pulled the still sealed envelope out of his back pocket. His fingers were shaking slightly, and she could see how nervous he was. They didn't say anything. They just stared at the envelope in his quaking fingers, and she knew his future was folded up inside. The answers to all his questions could be at the tip of his fingers right now.

"Zeke," she whispered, and she closed the space between their hands, putting hers on top of his. He didn't react. He just stared at the envelope in his other hand. "No matter what that says, everything is going to be okay. I'm here for you. I promise." And she meant it. She really did. He continued to stare at it for a few seconds. And then she got the idea. "Do you... want me to open it for you?"

A tiny gasp escaped his lips. Then he nodded his head, handing her the envelope. "Sorry," he said, laughing nervously. "I just can't do it. The truth about my dad could be in there, and I'm... freaking out a little."

She nodded and took the envelope in her hands gently, like it would explode at any moment. And now her fingers were shaking. But she took a deep breath to steady herself and tore the envelope open, then pulled out the folded sheet of paper inside. She unfolded it just as he bowed his head and folded his hands in front of him, almost like he was in prayer. Her eyes skimmed the words, taking them all in.

She felt the blood drain from her face as he said, "Well? What... what does it say?" Her heart was racing, and she felt a lump rise in her throat. "Emersyn?" he asked. He couldn't look at her, and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

She swallowed hard. "Zeke... according to this." Another deep breath. "You and Sal are not related. Vance... he wasn't your dad."

Nothing. Total silence as he just sat next to her, his head still bowed. She reread the words on the paper, as if hoping they would say something different if she read them again. But they weren't going to change. Vance was not his dad. Sal was not his uncle. They were back to square one.

And then Zeke jumped to his feet, startling her. He ripped the paper out of her hand and read it for himself, his eyes zooming across the words so fast that her own couldn't keep up. Then he crumpled it up and shoved it in his pants pocket before walking off toward the water. She got to her feet and followed him, not saying a word. And then he did something that totally surprised her. He started laughing. Quietly at first, then so loud and hard she imagined it had to hurt.

"Zeke," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Emersyn, it's okay," he said, whipping around to look at her, the laughter still present in his voice as he spoke. "Really. It's fine. I mean, I guess it just wasn't meant to be, right? None of this was meant to be."

She blinked, surprised. "What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"Us!" he said, gesturing between the two of them. "This!" He threw his hands up. "Everything. FUCK!" he screamed, and he picked up a rock off the ground and chucked it as hard as he could into the water. She bit her lip, not knowing what else to say. "FUCK!" He screamed again, louder than before. And he just kept screaming, louder and louder until they turned to sobs. Until he couldn't breathe. He fell to his knees, his palms touching the sand, and cried. Choking and agonizing, and she hurt for him. She wanted to take it all away. To help. But she didn't know what to do.

"Zeke," she said, dropping down to her knees beside him. She had an idea, but she wasn't sure if it would work. "Let me show you something." He looked up at her, and his eyes were red from crying. She grabbed his hand and helped him stand up, then took him away from the water and to a place on the sand with a lot of rocks.

"My earliest memory was the day my dad died," she said, watching as he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "And the day of his funeral, Kiel brought me down here. I was really upset, because I didn't understand. I just remember being sad that my mom was sad. And he took me down here and showed me something, and it helped me." She dropped down to a squat and lifted a rock up off the ground. Underneath she could see four tiny little crabs scurrying around, and she picked one up and held it in her hands.

"Look how small this crab is," she said as it crawled over her fingers, trying to escape. "It's so tiny. But as small as it is, it can still handle the weight of that rock. And if this little baby crab can handle the weight of that huge rock, then I can handle anything life throws at me. I just have to be tough like the crab. I never forgot, and whenever things got too hard for me to handle, I'd come back here, and I'd pick up a rock and remind myself how tough these little crabs are. And I'd know it was going to be okay."

He sniffled a little, but kept his eyes on the crab in her hands that was still trying to get away. "Are you trying to tell me that I'm a crab?" he said, and there it was. A bit of humor in his voice.

She smiled. "I'm saying it's okay to be crabby sometimes," she replied, and he let off a teary laugh. She set the crab back down on the ground, and it ran off to find another rock to hide under. "I'm sorry things didn't work out this time," she whispered, wiping her dirty hands on her dress. "But we'll just have to keep looking, won't we? We can't give up. I won't give up on finding him for you, okay? I'm with you the whole way. Until the end."

"Until the end," he repeated, and she nodded. "Thank you, Emersyn. For everything. I'm sorry I broke down over there. But you're right. I need to get it together. I need to be tough."

"Like the crab," she said.

He smiled. "Like the crab. Thank you." He paused for a moment, looking down at the spot where she had picked up the crab. Then he sighed and said, "I should go. I need to go talk to Sal. Let him know."

She nodded. "I understand. Do you need me to come with you?"

"No thanks," he said, shaking his head, his blonde curls bouncing around his face. "I'll be okay. It's probably something I should do alone." She smiled sympathetically at him and gave him a hug. As always, he smelled like sawdust and sweat and something more. Something that was just him. "I'll call you later," he whispered into her ear. Then he pulled back and walked away, leaving her standing on the beach alone.

She wished she wasn't wearing shoes. Her heart was racing and breaking all at once. She just kept seeing him breaking down by the water, screaming obscenities into the air and sobbing. She needed to ground herself. To shake the last few minutes away. She slid her shoes off her feet and buried her toes in the sand. A few times she felt movement beneath her feet, and she thought back to the crabs. Tried to remember how strong they were. But she didn't feel strong at the moment. No, she felt sad. Sad for her friend who'd just lost a father all over again. Wishing she knew what to do to help him.

She stayed on the beach for hours, staring out at the water and imagining how different her own life would've been if her father hadn't died in that fire when she was young. Would she have grown up with both of her parents the way she should've? Or would they have broken up after her dad learned about her mom's affair? Probably the latter. There were so many what ifs floating around her head, and it was why she felt so terrible for Zeke. He had those same what ifs in his head too. Would his father have died if his mother would've stayed? Would they have gotten married? Would they have had more kids? She knew what Zeke was feeling. She understood better than he even knew.

The sun was beginning to set. How long had she been sitting there watching the waves? Too long. She sighed and decided it was time to go home. So she slid her shoes back on and made the trek back up to her house. When she walked inside, she felt sad at how empty it was now. It hadn't always been so quiet. She remembered hearing the sounds of her grandparents cooking and doing stuff in the house. Her grandma painting in the living room so she could be closer to her husband as he prepared for church on Sunday. And she would bet that it hadn't been much different when her dad was young. She missed the sounds of other people in the house with her. Sometimes she felt so unimaginably lonely. And this was one of those times.

She went in the backyard to her grandma's old studio, where all the paintings she'd created since returning to the island were sitting. Life and death. Dancing together. She'd stopped painting when they stopped going to the graveyard. The excitement of Zeke finally finding his father had overtaken her obsessive inspiration. And now she was so disappointed and sad that all she could think to do was put it all on a canvas. So she did. She slid brush after brush over the bumpy canvas, each stroke adding more color to the emptiness. And the more paint she added to the canvas, the better she felt. It was like all her loneliness and sadness and thoughts of what ifs were leaking out of her through her fingers. She was one with the brush. One with the paint. She wasn't Emersyn anymore. She was art.

It was nearly one in the morning when a knock on the studio door pulled her out of her reverie. She stood up, wondering for a moment if she'd heard correctly or if she had imagined the sound. But then she heard it again, harder this time. She walked over to the door, looking for a weapon she could use against an intruder if she needed to. But she found nothing, and the knock sounded again. Her heart was racing, and she turned the handle and swung the door wide open.

It was Zeke. His hands were sitting on either side of the doorframe, and he looked different than he did earlier. His eyes were no longer bloodshot from tears. Now they were bright and alive in a way she'd never seen them before. He looked focused and intense, and she had to take a breath to steady her pounding heart.

"You scared the crap out of me," she said, holding her hand against her chest.

"I'm sorry," he said, and he was breathless. She furrowed her brow in concern. "I just had to talk to you. I tried throwing pebbles at your window, but you weren't in there. So I thought I'd check out here."

She nodded. "Okay. What... I mean... are you okay? Is everything okay?"

He smiled at her, and it was a smile that could give power to an entire city. "Yes. I'm okay. I just had to see you." She raised her eyebrows. "I wanted to talk to you about life."

"Life?" she repeated slowly, and he nodded. "Okay. What about life?" He was acting so strange that he was really starting to worry her.

"What do you believe?" he asked, and she stared at him in confusion. "I mean about life. Do you think we live multiple, or do you think we have one?"

"Oh," she said, wondering why they were having this conversation at one in the morning. "Umm, I guess I think we have one. Only one life."

He nodded. "Okay. So in theory, if we only have one life, we should live it to the fullest, right? Like, we should do our best to be as happy and fulfilled as we can while we can. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Sure," she answered. "Yeah. I guess I believe that."

"Okay good," he said. "Because there is nothing in my life that fulfills me or makes me happier than you. I have been fighting it for so long, because I don't know what the future is going to hold, and I'm terrified of hurting you. But if we only have one life, and that's it, then I can't think like that. I can't think of all the things I'm afraid of. I have to just live it the way I want to live it. And damnit, Emersyn, if I don't kiss you right now, I will combust right here in front of you."

She opened her mouth to respond, but he didn't give her a chance. He grabbed her face and pulled her lips up to meet his. And now there were sparks. Fireworks. A goddamn explosion. He tasted sweet, like lemonade, and she kissed him back. And it wasn't sweet or tender. It was passion in a way she'd never known before. He pushed his way into the studio, not taking his lips off hers, and slammed the door behind him. His hands were in her hair, and her fingers were in his, and they were coated in paint, but he didn't seem to care.

But then his hands were moving up her body, and she was groaning against him, and she wanted him more than she'd ever wanted anything in her in life. She pulled back. Things were moving too fast. She opened her eyes, not even remembering closing them, and felt the world spin a tiny bit around her. "Zeke," she whispered, and his lips were just a couple inches away from hers. "I don't... we need to stop. You are in an emotional state, and I don't think this would be a good idea. I don't think you're thinking clearly."

But he shook his head. "No, Em. You're wrong. I am thinking more clearly than I ever have in my life. I've been dreaming of kissing you like that since the day I met you in the graveyard. But I've been too scared of hurting you. And then today happened, and I had time to think on my way to and from Oak Harbor. And all I could think about was you. You have to know that I'm crazy about you, right? That I love you?"

She blinked, sure that she'd fallen asleep at her easel and was dreaming all of this. It was too much. Everything she'd wanted and more. There was no way it was really happening. It had to be in her head. "Zeke...."

"You don't have to say it back," he said, cutting her off. "It's okay. I don't care so much about that." He slid his fingers through her long ginger hair, and she closed her eyes, enjoying his touch. "I just had to tell you. I had to kiss you. And if you aren't into me, that's okay, and I'm sorry I burst in here in the middle of the night. But your artwork is beautiful, and you are beautiful, and I never thought it could be possible for me to feel this way about anyone. And sure, the timing isn't the greatest. But we have one life. And I'm not going to waste another minute of mine not being honest with myself or with you. I love you, Emersyn."

And in that moment, she knew. There was no way she was dreaming. Her mind wouldn't torture her in such a way. Wouldn't make her think all this was happening when it wasn't. She understood everything he was feeling. Because she was feeling it too. She'd been feeling it for a long time. And she would never forgive herself if she left him hanging. So she took a breath and looked him dead in his piercing light blue eyes. "I love you too, Zeke," she replied softly, and his lips found hers again.

Chapter Twenty-Five

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