After returning to the church to collect her bike, she went back home and took a long, hot shower. Gritty sand from the beach slid across her body and down the drain, and she felt like she was washing away so much more than the dirt. She scrubbed the hurt of rejection off her skin with her mint body wash, and by the time she got out of the shower and dressed in a clean floral print white cottage-core dress with a v-neckline, she felt a thousand times better. The hurt was still there, but it was less now. She felt more like herself. Which was great, seeing as she was supposed to meet up again with her rejector for dinner in half an hour. She dried her hair, and then pulled it back into a long messy braid before doing her makeup. By the time she made her way out the front door, she felt like a total knockout. Not that it mattered all that much.

She walked to Kiel's house and was nervous and surprised to see his truck was not in the driveway. Which meant she would be eating with Zeke alone. Her heart began thrumming in her chest, and she suddenly felt like she might be sick. As she approached the front door, she considered turning around and going back home. But before she even had a chance to take a step back, the door swung open, revealing a dashingly handsome Zeke with a big smile on his face. His eyes scanned her up and down, taking her in, and she felt like she was holding her breath.

"You look great," he said, and she both hated and loved how awestruck he sounded. He stepped aside, allowing her entrance into the house. "Salmon's in the oven, and I have the broccoli steaming right now. I also put on a pot of sticky rice."

She gave him a tight smile as she stepped into the house. "Sounds great. And very... um... nutritious." Ugh, what was the matter with her? She'd just spent all day with this man at the beach, and she'd been fine. They'd had a great time together. So why did she feel so nervous now?

He seemed to notice her anxiousness, because he frowned as he closed the door behind her. "Are you okay? If you don't like broccoli or rice, it's fine. I have other sides. I can cook up some potatoes real quick. I think we even have some leftover asparagus from last night, if you'd rather have that?"

Why did he have to be so perfect? She shook her head, trying her best to give him a normal smile. "No, it's fine. I like broccoli, actually. Is Kiel going to be joining us tonight?" she asked, hoping he'd say yes while at the same time wishing she could be alone with Zeke for longer.

He shrugged his shoulders as he headed back into the kitchen. "I'm not sure. He hasn't messaged me anything, but I'm assuming he's still in the city. I made enough for him too though, so if he does come home, he can eat with us. Why? Do you... um... do you want Kiel to be here with us?" She blinked, surprised by his question and not knowing how to answer it. He took her silence as confirmation and sighed. "Emersyn, listen. I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I made things weird today at the beach. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm kind of feeling a little... I don't know. You know?"

She didn't know, but she nodded anyway. "It's okay. You didn't make things weird. If anything, I made things—"

"Don't even finish that sentence," he interrupted, and now she really was smiling. "Because you didn't. It was all me. Every bit of it. You did everything right. I'm just all messed up lately. I think it's the graveyard. You were right. I've been spending too much time in it. I've been thinking, and I wanted to ask you how you'd feel if we made this kind of a weekly thing? Hanging out together after church? Having new adventures? Because I love spending time with you. You're my best friend here. And I don't want to spend every single day at that graveyard anymore. Know what I mean?"

This time, she did know what he meant. And even though the rejection from earlier today still burned a little, she couldn't help herself. She wanted to be around him. He brought this calm to her life that no one else could, and she yearned for it when he wasn't with her. So even though she knew she should try to distance herself from him to avoid getting hurt, she nodded her head. "Yeah. I think that sounds amazing. Sundays after church. Adventure time."

Zeke looked relieved that she agreed to this new plan. "Thank you again, by the way. For today. It was awesome. Seriously. I really miss being out in the field like that. That was always my favorite part about studying zoology. It wasn't just sitting in a classroom with a textbook. It was getting out there and spending time with other creatures. I've missed that since I left school, and I didn't know how much until today. It... meant a lot to me. I hope you know that."

Another blush rose in her cheeks, and she turned away so he wouldn't see. "Maybe we can go back next weekend then?" she suggested as she followed him into the kitchen, taking a seat at the small dining room table. "I mean, we barely scratched the surface of what's out there, you know."

The timer on the oven went off, and Zeke slid his hands into a set of red oven mitts before opening the oven and reaching in for the pan with the salmon. It smelled so good that her mouth immediately began to water. Her stomach growled, and she knew she was hungry, but she didn't realize how much until that moment. "We could. Or we could do something else," he said as he set the hot pan on the stove. "I don't care, really. As long as we're having fun."

She fell silent as he slid two pieces of honey mustard baked salmon onto two separate plates, then served up some rice and broccoli on the sides before carrying the plates to the table. He set one in front of her, and then took a seat across from her. She stared at him as he took his first bite, and she couldn't help but notice that he hadn't showered yet. There were still bits of sand in his hair, and she remembered running her fingers through it. Could almost hear that gasp he let out as her fingers slid through those thick curls. Heat was an unwelcome stranger in her cheeks, and he looked up at her, meeting her gaze with a concerned one of his own.

"You okay?" he asked, then looked down at the food. "Is it the food? Because seriously, I can whip up something else."

"Why do you keep pulling away from me?" she asked, startling herself with her blunt honesty. He blinked, surprised, and set his fork down on his plate. "Sorry. I know the answer already. I just don't... understand why."

His eyes were cast down to his plate, and she wished he'd look at her. Acknowledge her question with something. Anything. The room felt too quiet. Too tense. Maybe she shouldn't have come tonight. Maybe she should have feigned an illness. He took a deep breath and then finally looked back up at her, and she saw so much sadness in his blue eyes that her chest ached. His mouth opened, and she knew he was about to respond. But he was interrupted by the opening of the front door.

They both jumped, startled at the intrusion, and a moment later, Kiel had entered the kitchen carrying several bags of materials from a hardware store in the city. He set the bags on the floor, smiled at them, and said, "Hey kiddos. What's going on?" Neither one of them responded, and Emersyn figured it was because they were both still stuck on the unanswered question. "Oh boy, it smells great in here, Zeke. What's for dinner?"

"Honey mustard baked salmon," Zeke replied, and Emersyn's heart broke at the sound of his emotionless voice. "Help yourself. There's broccoli and rice too."

"Oh, man," Kiel said as he opened the cupboard and pulled out a plate. "I really appreciate this. I had some day. First, I get all the way out to Oak Harbor, and the Ford starts overheating." He pulled a fork out of the drawer and slapped some salmon on his plate before he scooped himself a serving of rice and broccoli. "So I have to get it to the auto parts store and do some tests to see what's wrong with it. Took me several hours, and several hundred dollars worth of parts to figure out what the hell was wrong. And I'm still not sure. Gonna have my buddy take a look at it for me tomorrow. But I got it home, so that's a positive. Silver linings, right?"

He took a seat in the open chair between them and started chowing down on his dinner. Emersyn and Zeke kept totally silent, both still stinging from the unanswered question. Kiel took a few bites, then looked up at the both of them, his lips quirking up into a playful smile. He chewed his food, swallowed, and said, "What's going on here? Lover's quarrel?" They both shot him daggers at the same time. He winced and held his hands up defensively. "Whoa, okay, Kiel. Read the room." He then jumped to his feet, took his plate with him, and said, "I'm just going to eat this on the patio outside. I know when I'm not wanted. Good luck with whatever it is going on here."

They watched as Kiel carried his plate to the sliding glass door, pulled it open, stepped outside, and shut it tightly behind him. Emersyn continued to watch as he took a seat in one of his old patio chairs. He continued eating his salmon as he stared at the sunset. And she wished, more than anything right now, that she could join him. Or at the very least, that she hadn't asked Zeke the question she knew had completely destroyed their dinner. She bit her lip and looked over at Zeke again, and she was startled to find he was staring at her. His eyes were blue pools of sadness, and she wished she understood why.

"Emersyn," he began, sliding his fingers through his curls. He sucked in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and said, "I'm so sorry. Honestly, I don't know how to answer your question. It's just... I keep catching myself thinking... and I can't... you know what I mean?" She shook her head, because she had no clue what he meant at all. He sighed. "It's... you're... and I'm... I'll try to be better. I'm sorry."

She wanted so much more from him. Something closer to an explanation. But he fell silent, and in that moment, she knew that was all she was going to get. "It's okay," she replied, and she meant it. She really did. But in truth, she'd say anything to go back to how they were that afternoon. Before the sort of kiss. Before waking up beside him and touching those bouncing blond locks of his. She felt like she was under a spell when it came to him. At ease and nervous at the same time. It was killing her, and she just wished she knew which way to go. Friends? More? It was all getting to be much too confusing. "Let's just forget about it, okay? I'm sorry I asked."

He sighed and shook his head. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It's all me. I'm... I'm all messed up right now. I can't explain why. I just... am."

She nodded her head. "And you said you don't know how much longer you're going to be here for." He grimaced and looked away at her words. "I get it. No worries. It really is for the best. So seriously, let's just forget about it." She took a bite of her salmon and was surprised by how good it tasted. "Holy smokes, this is seriously delicious."

His lips pulled at the corners ever so slightly. "Yeah?" he asked, and she smiled at how pleased he sounded. "Thanks. It's one of my favorite recipes. When I changed my diet up about a year ago, this was one of the first recipes I learned. So I'm glad you like it." He paused for a moment, and then asked, "Still friends?"

That word. Friends. She loved and hated it at the same time. Yes, being his friend was so important to her. But she could no longer deny just how much she wanted more. It was so much more than a crush she was feeling, and she knew that now. She wished she had the courage to tell him how she really felt about him, but she had a feeling there was nothing she could say that would change his mind. So she'd have no choice but to settle as friends. It was better than nothing.

She smiled despite the pain she was feeling in her heart. "Yes. Of course. Still friends." And there it was. That damn smile that made her feel like the sun was shining inside her chest every time she looked at it. He really did light up a room.

Chapter Nineteen

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