This chapter contains suicidal themes and references - please be advised before continuing to read

“What’s going on inside his head”

8th August 2022

Persephone

“Time of death, 10:44am, cause of death suicide-”

“Noah, no,” His mum, Libby screamed frantically, as she broke down at his bedside where a deceased Noah’s body lay still across the bed, as the empty bottle of vodka rolled underneath his bed. “Baby you can’t leave me! You-”

“He’s gone, Lib,” Her husband, Brett said, putting his arms around the inconsolable mess she was becoming, as me, my mum and my brother stood in the room. “He wasn’t happy with his life nor himself and I don’t think that he had been for a while, so as much as we might want to scream and blame people, we simply must accept that he inflicted this upon himself and nothing,” He looked down at his dead son. “Will ever bring him back.”

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” I said, quietly, as I walked out of the room to give a heartbroken Auntie Libby some space (me and her might not have always seen eye to eye but I could not even begin to imagine the pain she must be in at the moment). “He was only eighteen as well,” I closed the door slowly, as a speechless Mum and Joe followed me into the melancholy enveloped corridor above us, where a ringing silence seemed to hang within every corner of the air. “Just to think he had his whole life ahead of him.”

“I know,” Joe said, shaking his head. “And to think, god knows how long he has been suffering for,” He paused. “So many people are going to feel the effects of his death, not just the school but the entire community-”

“Hey it’s ok sweetheart,” Mum said softly, wrapping her arm around his shoulder. “I know how much you thought of him and believe me I know he thought the world of you also, but sometimes in life, unfortunate tragedies strike at the very worst moment including times where we least expect them.”

She was right.

Life always had a habit of throwing you curveballs at the time you least expected them, let alone needed them.

“Mum, I said that I was going to see Grace later,” I said, quietly, looking at the time on my phone. “Is it alright if I-”

“Your cousin has just committed suicide and all you can think about is yourself?” I heard my Nan’s croaky arse voice cry on the stair behind me.

“Oh shut up,” I snapped, rolling my eyes as she came up behind me. “Noah’s dead, yes, it’s sad but are you hardly surprised given the family he lived with?”

“You better watch your mouth,” Mum spat, angrily. “Because you are really treading on thin ice-”

“Am I right?” I snapped, folding my arms, clenching my phone to my chest. “Because let’s face it, we all know that what I’m saying is true,” I looked from her, to a silently crying Joe and Nan. “This family pretends it's perfect and angelic and amazing but deep down we all know the secrets that reek like a bad smell to the fucking-”

“Persephone will you shut the fuck up?” Brett growled, opening the door, like some kind of a pissed off wolf. “My wife is in there, waiting for the private ambulance to come and collect our son’s dead body and all I can hear in there is you going off as per usual like the psychotic little bitch you are.”

“Me going off on one?” I shook my head. “I love how the fact that every wrong part of this family is immediately blamed on me rather than have any of you do the decent thing and take responsibility for who you all really are.”

“You really do know how to tear this family apart you know,” My nan interjected. “It’s like you have no respect for anyone or anything but ensuring that you get what you want, when you want, well let me tell you something Seph the whole world doesn’t revolve around you alright, nor does life stop when you want something.”

And meet my irreplaceable gem of a family.

The Walminsters.

Despite the fact I wasn’t one legally by name, seeing as my father was dead I had no other choice but to accept myself as one of the precious little brood.

God, sometimes I wish I could just jump off a bridge rather than have to face the same cycle of psychological or physical abuse that it’s recently turned to (more on that in a bit) I’ve had too for the last eighteen years, do you know what I mean? Like, I don’t even know what or if I’ve done anything to them then aside just be there, be part of it all, and all of them it’s like I’m some kind of poison in their eyes, just because I don’t fit within their perfectionist box in the world.

Well let me tell you something, I never will do.

“Fuck off Iris, because you’re really doing my nut in,” I snapped, walking down the stairs to stop myself doing something I’ll regret. “You damn well know as much as me I haven’t done anything wrong so don’t start using today as another excuse to start another one of your circus antics.”

And look to blame me for something else.

“Oi, Seph, that’s no way to speak to Nan!” Joe shouted, as I hurried downstairs. “Come back now and apologise-”

“Give me one good reason why I should,” I stopped on the bottom stair to tie my trainers. “And why the old crow doesn’t deserve it!”

What, I mean I’ve had plenty of abuse from her over the years.

Why not give it back?

“Because she’s the reason this family is alive,” Mum suggested. “And why we’ve done as well for ourselves as we have done and have the respect we do.”

“Well, how touching to hear,” I stood up, and stuck up my middle finger to a crying Iris. “Hope you all enjoy yourselves here, I’m going for a bit of a walk.”

Yes, alright I know that might have been a bit childish but believe me once you learn more about the state that this family is in, you’ll understand.

Just as we’ll never truly know what was going on inside Noah’s head.

Prologue: "What's Going On Inside His Head"

0 Comments