“Stand forth, Lysander. This man hath bewitched the bo- I’m sorry. The bosom- The-“

Egeus laughed, so did Lysander, so did the audience, and Youngbin sighed. Act one, scene one, and the Sirius Miller High School theatre class could barely get through the very first part of this play. And now that Youngbin was part of the audience instead of part of the stage, the class had become so much more insufferable.

It was a shame, really. Theatre class was always filled with people who enjoyed what they did. Who took this seriously, who matched Youngbin’s energy. But things had shifted. Maybe he just had a different perspective now, or maybe it was the new cast of students that had joined the club when last year's seniors had left.

And now nothing was serious anymore. Everything was a goddamn joke, and Youngbin watched from the sidelines because he was too scared to become part of that joke once more.

“Come on, boys,” Mister Davis called, his voice much more tired than usual. It was hard to believe that this man could ever lose his passion for teaching high schoolers the joy of theatre, but this seemed to be it. The end of it all. His last straw, some freshmen laughing at the word bosom. “Start again. Stand forth-“

“S-Stand forth, Lysander. This man ha-“ The boy on stage laughed again, so did everyone around him.

“Okay. How about we approach this differently? Let’s-“ Mister Davis waved his hands in desperation, stood in front of the stage as he looked at the actors, then the audience. “Let’s break up into small groups. It’s our first time practising with our given roles today, I understand that this is very exciting. But we want to take this seriously.”

He did, and everyone else that'd been in this class for longer also did, but these immature teenage boys up on stage certainly didn’t.

“How about that? I’ll assign you into small groups, and everyone gets to just read their own lines a couple of times until they’re less- funny to you. I expect the other students to give a lot of feedback and stay serious as well. We all want to learn here.”

Mister Davis waited for feedback from the students, maybe would’ve expected a resounding yes, but all he got was an eye roll from the new students and a sad nod from the older ones. He suppressed a sigh, and to see the man like this almost broke Youngbin’s heart a little.

It didn’t take too long for him to assign the groups, and Youngbin ended up torn away from Kaya, instead paired up with Wanda, last years Juliet and this years Titania, Zander, who had the role of Puck, and one of the new kids, a boy named Ben who had somehow gotten the role of Lysander. Youngbin understood why Mister Davis wanted him to play that part now. Ben wasn’t the most skilled actor, but he was one of the only ones to audition. Out of the few they’d gotten, he wasn’t really the best, but he seemed like the type of guy to not be hurt too deeply if people started making fun of him. In fact, he seemed like the one to make fun of someone himself.

“So,” Wanda started once the small group had settled down somewhere in an empty classroom to practise in peace. “Let’s just start with scene one for Lysander. I can read Egeus and Zander can do Theseus, okay?”

Ben wasn’t paying too much attention.

“Okay?” Wanda repeated. He finally looked up.

“Okay. Sure.”

She cleared her throat, straightened her back. As strange as Wanda had been, especially since Youngbin had come out, she was a great actor and easy to play with. Youngbin knew that Ben wasn’t going to appreciate that.

“Stand forth, Lysander.” Her voice dropped a little, her tone shifted. She already read that single line so much better than whoever actually had to play Egeus, though this part of the scene was nowhere close to Lyander’s first lines. Perhaps she just wanted to show off a little, and Youngbin let her. “This man hath bewitched the bosom of my child. Thou, thou, Lysander, thou has-“

Ben laughed. Wanda groaned.

“Sorry,” he said with a grin. “That’s so funny. Like, did he enchant her boobs?”

“Bosom means heart in this context. He bewitched her heart.” Wanda’s face had dropped, almost as though she was becoming the real Egeus. “Can we continue?”

“Maybe skip your whole long ass monologue thing and skip to my lines?”

“…Yes, fine. Your first line is-“

“You have her father’s love, Demetrius.” Youngbin had never heard someone speak to their supposed lover in such a bored tone. Even Alex on his first day as a fake boyfriend had been better at this. “Let me have Hermia, marry him.”

“Let me have Hermia’s, do you marry him,” Youngbin corrected Ben, who rolled his eyes.

“Same thing.”

“It’s really not,” Youngbin quickly noted. “You need to stick to the script.” Wanda nodded.

“Do it again,” she demanded, and Ben rolled his eyes a second time.

“You have her fathers love, Demetrius. Let me have Hermia’s, do you marry him.”

That sounded shit. Youngbin didn’t want to say it, but nobody stopped him from thinking it. Wanda must’ve thought the same, because for the first time in a month, she actually looked him in the eye, shooting him the most desperate glance Youngbin had ever seen.

“Oh, scornful Lysander. True, he hath my love. And what is mine my love shall render him. And she is mine, and all-“

“I am as well der-“

“Ben, it wasn’t your turn.”

“Jesus, you do it better then.” Ben tossed his script over to Youngbin, the papers beat up, scribbled on, torn and crumpled. He had that script for maybe a week. Youngbin cringed. He probably could’ve done it better. He wasn’t going to say that, though. Wanda already did.

“Honestly, yeah. He’s gonna do it a lot better.” Another pleading gaze from her, but Youngbin shook his head, smoothed out the paper and passed it back to Ben.

“Okay, whatever. Where were we?”

“I am, my lord, as well,” Youngbin started, and with another sigh, Ben picked up.

“I am, my lord, as well de- derived as he, as well posed. Possessed. My love is more than his. And which is more than all these boats-“

“Ben, are you even reading the script?”

“Jesus, what do you even want from me?”

“I want you to read the damn script!” Now it was Wanda that tossed her papers, causing the very first crumple in them. “Why are you even Lysander?” Then she turned to Youngbin. “Why are you not Lysander?”

“Because he can’t play a straight man,” Ben added, and the room froze for half a second. As if he wasn’t sure if his joke had landed, Ben added: “‘Cause he’s gay.”

He was, however, met with silence. Youngbin pressed his lips together. He felt- No, it didn’t really make him feel anything. Just a slight bit of annoyance, maybe. But other than that, nothing. Just a strange kind of emptiness, a disconnect.

“And what does that have to do with anything?” Wanda then asked, slowly, quietly. It was the kind of voice she spoke with before performances, a forced calm.

“Well- Like, he can’t play a straight guy because he’s gay and he can’t really know what it’s like to be into women, so like, how is he supposed to play that?” Ben seemed to be serious about this. As if that was how it actually worked. Youngbin would’ve found it funny if it wasn’t so dumb.

“It’s called being good at acting,” Zander now said, who’d been quietly looking through his script before. “Imagine you’d have to experience everything that happens to your character before you could play them. Not sure we’d be able to, uhm, have any action or fantasy films then.”

“Just keep reading your stupid scene,” Wanda hissed. “And which is more than-“

“This sucks. You guys are so annoying, dude. Read that shit on your own, weird ass gays.” Ben stood up. Then left. Nobody made an attempt to stop him.

“Well,” Wanda said.

“You okay?” Zander asked.

“And which is more than all these boasts can be, I am beloved of the beauteous Hermia,” Youngbin decided to finish the sentence, then he shrugged. Was he okay? Did that even matter? He just kind of wanted to get done with all of this. There was no time to be okay or not okay.

“Do we just move on to my lines?” Wanda began flipping through her script, now extra careful to not cause more damage. “Or… do we let Youngbin read the Lysander lines? Just in case?”

“In what case exactly?” Youngbin crossed his arms as he eyed Zander pushing his script over to Youngbin, the first scene open.

“Ben sucks and you don’t.”

“I suppose I don’t, but- I mean, the roles are already given out. I can’t just take his.”

“Just ask your boyfriend to scare him into giving up the role?” Wanda’s voice had a trace of cynicism in it.

Youngbin cleared his throat. He should probably say it. He really probably shouldn’t hide behind the shield that used to be Alex, not after all of- that. But if Wanda knew, she’d tell someone, right? And Youngbin had no idea who Zander was hanging out with, had only ever talked to him in passing, who knew who he’d tell. People didn’t really know just yet, because Alex wasn’t even at school to tell the story. Maybe he could hold out for a little longer.

“Well, I suppose-“

“Is it true, actually? That you and Alex, well…” Zander leaned a bit closer, lowered his voice. “That you broke up?” So it did get out, somehow.

“And how are you supposed to know that?” That wasn’t a yes, it’s true. And also wasn’t a no, that’s false. Zander shrugged.

“Lani told me that Margo said that you two, kinda… that it’s over? And he’s not so happy.”

“And- Wait, and how come Lani would tell you that, how do you even know her?“

“I mean we kind of live in the same house. And also we have the same parents, basically. Crazy how that family stuff works.”

Youngbin blinked slowly. Zander did not look like Lani. But also Youngbin had no idea what Lani looked like underneath her makeup. And now that he was thinking about it, the colour of their skin was the same warm brown, both of their eyes a striking green.

“You’re Lani’s brother? Like that huge goth girl?” At least Youngbin wasn’t the only one caught off guard by this information. Wanda raised her eyebrows, leaned closer to Zander as if to analyse him further, scanning him for similarities.

“Is it that surprising? We almost look the exact same!”

“You’re a lot shorter than her though,” Wanda noted, and Zander rolled his eyes as though he’d heard that a lot before.

“Yes, well- I’m still growing, okay? Whatever, that’s not-“

“I’m literally in the same art class and latin course as her and I never even knew she even had a brother.”

“Why do you guys think she was in the audience for our last play?” Oh. Oh. True. Lani was there, with Alex, that was when Alex had seen Youngbin for the first time, or at least that’s what he’d said weeks ago when they first met.

“I don’t know, to make fun of us, maybe?” Us, that meant her, Wanda, but also Youngbin. Mostly Youngbin, actually.

“Come on…” Zander frowned. “You think Lani would make fun of the theatre nerds when her own brother is a theatre nerd?”

“They’re not the kind of people to make fun of others,” Youngbin quickly added. He couldn’t blame Wanda for thinking that way, he’d done so himself, had sworn that Alex was one of those people. Maybe he’d presented himself in that way too. “They’re-“

“Just as cringe as we are,” Zander completed the sentence. “I’m allowed to say that.”

Wanda pressed her lips together. Again, no blame on her. She’d been torn apart after the play as well, like Youngbin did, though maybe a little less, and many of her photos had been deleted off the internet pretty quickly, which Youngbin blamed on her lawyer stepfather. He could’ve taken down Youngbin’s pictures as well, while he was at it, but fine.

“Whatever.” She sighed. “Should we go convince Mister Davis that Youngbin gets to play Lysander instead of Ben?”

“Do I even want to play Lysander?”

“You’d be better at that than him.”

“Does it matter how good I am when people film me on stage again?” Because Youngbin couldn’t really do anything about it. His wall of protection was gone. It felt selfish to want Alex back for the sole reason of safety, but right now Youngbin’s heart was aching for him.

“Maybe it won’t be that bad-“

“But now I come with the added bonus of being a homo. Plus, I wouldn’t want to weird out the poor girl that plays Hermia and has to pretend to love a gay guy.”

He didn’t mean to sound so snippy, but he did, and Wanda leaned back when Youngbin’s tone shifted, as though she was pressing herself into the back of her chair to melt into it and disappear. She cleared her throat, looked down.

“Yeah. Sorry about that. But-“ She looked up again, though a little embarrassed. “Uh, you’re still like, a really good actor. Maybe you shouldn’t be held back by random people and their shitty opinions and do what you like anyways.”

If only it was that fucking easy.

“I think,” Youngbin said, his voice noticeably stressed, “I’d rather not be driven into paranoia again. I think I’m fine, really.”

“And if Ben decides to-“

“Ben isn’t going to decide anything. We’ll be living with the fact that this year's play is going to suck. Can we move on? Try a scene with Titania in it, maybe?”

Practice in small groups had always been quite impractical. Students were thrown together with no rhyme or reason and left to improvise scenes because they didn’t have the right roles within their group to actually perform a scene fully. Nobody was there to check if anything of importance was actually done, and it was rare for other students to correct their co-actors on mistakes- unless one was thrown into a group with Youngbin and Wanda, of course, but even then, one was never held back from just getting up and leaving. Like Ben had done.

But at least there wasn’t a group of idiots that were laughing about the word bosom every three seconds or so.

“I hope you used your practice time.” Mister David paced back and forth, a disappointed expression on his face, as though he knew that his beloved Midsummer Night’s Dream was going to go up in flames.

Well, it kind of was.

“I urge you to practise your lines diligently at home, with your co-actors. Especially to those of you that are contributing to a play for the first time. I understand that this is new and exciting for you, but we need professionalism on stage.” He sighed. “With that… I shall end the lesson. Go forth.”

Youngbin exhaled, and instead of getting up, sank further into the seat. Kaya next to him did the same, looking over to him.

“Kaya-” He hesitated, “Do you think I should try for a role?”

“Bit late, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but Ben sucks, excuse my language, and I think Mister Davis is thinking about replacing half the cast anyways, so-“

“You want to replace Ben? As in, take over Lysander? As in, a main character?”

Youngbin held still, no nod, no head shaking, then just a shrug.

“Want isn’t the right word exactly. But I guess I have kind of been thinking about it. Well, I thought of it just now, but-“

“You know what happened last time.”

Yes, indeed he did. Of course he did. And he hadn’t planned to even play with the thought of getting on stage in this cursed school again, not when Mister Davis had asked him, not when Wanda had asked him literally 20 minutes ago. And yet… And yet.

“You’re probably right-“

“Actually, no, fuck that, I’m probably not right. If you really want to do it, like really…” He didn’t. Maybe a little. But not really. Well- “You should probably try and go for it. Or at least speak to Mister Davis. I’m… not going to stop you from doing something you enjoy. Not anymore.”

“I do know what happened last time, though.” Youngbin sighed, finally got up and swung his bag over his shoulder, standing in front of Kaya lounged into her seat waiting for movement. “Not really sure why I played with that thought.”

“Hey, you can’t ask me a question and get mad at me when I answer!” Kaya got up and squeezed herself around the seats and out of the atrium.

“I want to pretend like I’ve grown enough to not care about people making fun of me and ruining what I love, but I’d probably lie.” Youngbin sank his hands into the pockets of his jean jacket, letting Kaya take care of the door opening for him. “If I had Alex around me-“

“You’d want Alex to just beat up everyone that’s mean to you?”

Yes. “No.” Kind of.

“You’ve been letting people limit you for so long, Bin. I know it’s hard for you, I’ve seen it, but- I don’t know if you’ve noticed but you’ve grown so much. I think you’ll manage to take care of yourself. And like, maybe I can also beat up everyone that’s mean to you.” Kaya pushed open the doors of the school's main exit, and a cold gust of wind hit the two right in the face. “Maybe it’s worth a try. Oh, also, we don’t even know if you’ll actually get a role in the first place. Maybe Mister Davis says no and then you won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Youngbin sighed, then hummed, slowly nodded. He didn’t believe in the slightest that he could take care of himself. Not of he had to relive the same torture he did last time.

“And!” Kaya added, holding up her finger. “The play is in summer. No time to bully you, we’re leaving the school anyways. It doesn’t matter what these dumbasses say, you’ll never see them again.”

Maybe, actually, that was somewhat convincing. Still, Youngbin shook his head.

“I don’t know. Guess I’ll just- ask Mister Davis next week.”

“You do that.” Kaya patted Youngbin on the back, with quite a lot of power, flashed him a grin. “If you ask me, I think you can do it. And even if I didn’t think so, you shouldn’t listen to what I think you should and shouldn’t do. I’m not your mom. Oh, and also you probably shouldn’t listen to your mom.”

She’d learned quite a bit from Alex. So had Youngbin, actually. Maybe. Just a little.

Chapter 30 - lysander

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