It was over.

Alex should’ve felt so damn good about this. He was an asshole after all, an absolute piece of shit, and all he wanted was to annoy his ex and be petty and shitty because he was like that, and she deserved it.

And now Alex had fallen in love. He rolled around on his bed, on his back as he stared at his phone, about to text Youngbin what had happened yesterday. About how he talked to Leia and they were actually kind of on okay terms and how he got what he wanted but actually felt bad for it. How their deal had been fulfilled. He really didn’t want to tell him though. If he did, then-

Alex was aware that at some point the whole thing was going to be over. That they couldn’t go on pretending forever. It was part of the plan, actually, that Youngbin could dump Alex in the end and seem super cool and independent. Needless to say, Alex didn’t want it to end.

But going on and pretending like Youngbin and him were actually a thing, not only pretending in front of others but pretending in front of himself, it felt horrible. He’d just be using Youngbin, wouldn’t he? He’d be using him to feel less lonely. To feed into his delusion of being loved. He’d be living in a one sided relationship that Youngbin absolutely hadn’t consented to in that way.

But Alex was meant to be an asshole. A piece of shit that used people for his own good. According to- many. He sighed. Fuck that.

» i talked to leia

great news she totally believes were real and is in fact super mad about it

she hates us! or like she hates me actually but whats new

anyways id say we are very successful «

» You talked to her?

How come «

» idk she just wanted to tell me that shes moving away soon

uh

i guess we like

kinda

made up????

i mean no not really made up but we talked a bit without like killing eachother and shit

and actually i maybe. feel like kinda bad for tricking her and targeting her and like doing all that shit specifically to hurt her and upset her and maybeeee im kinda an asshole but also

whats new

well. yea thats the news «

» Oh

Well to be honest it was kind of horrible of us to just kiss in front of her and all that «

» which was something you suggested

twice might i add «

» Yeah…….

That wasn’t my proudest moment I think but also I generally don’t really know what I was thinking with that kissing stuff «

Alex could tell. He inhaled sharply as if the memory of it was hurting him, then watched as the next message appeared on screen. He knew that this was coming. His heart dropped regardless.

» So what do you say?

Is it a good point to end it then maybe

I mean in general I think it’s gone on for pretty long now and you kind of got out of it what you intended right «

» lol yea maybe

Idk «

» Like now?

Or how do we do this «

» idk «

» We could do a public breakup witha lot of drama and a crowd and an argument and explosions or something

Wait never mind too much attention

We could just let it tickle out slowly and see if people even notice

That might be better tbh «

» yea probably

so like

just no talking at school or «

» I mean ignoring in public should be fine right

Just for a bit

And then we can hang out again some time like we made up or something and are still friends

I don’t know how broken up people are supposed to behave

IF you wanna still hang out of course!! «

» youngbin genuinely if we stop hanging out i might as well just rot and die

just ignoring at school okay

i dont want you like

gone from my life

ever «

» Haha yeah okay same

This is so weird……

Like

So anticlimactic somehow

Not the big ending I wouldve expected to the role of my life «

» yea its weird

i kinda

dont want it to be over lol «

» ^^’

Yeah I’m so used to this now

Worked so hard to learn to say boyfriend and now I’m supposed to unlearn that again??

Okay how do i do that

That’s it!

I’m breaking up!

Sorry that was so dramatic WAAh it’s so weird «

Alex inhaled. Held his breath. Waited a couple of seconds for Youngbin to send another message, or for his heart to stop beating. They weren’t breaking up. This wasn’t a relationship. This wasn’t anything his heart should hurt over, but god, it did.

His heart hurt. His heart hurt so fucking much. It stung, at first, a single needle drilling itself into it, slowly, slowly, until it was in there, and then it grew. A needle turned into a blade, and it dug itself in, and then it was pulled out when Alex’ phone screen turned black.

The world around Alex began fading, slowly, and static became louder in his ears, like something was approaching. Closer. Closer.

It was over.

Then it hit. Like a wave, emotions crashed into Alex, pushing him from his feet, sweeping him up, tossing him around, pressing him under. It wasn’t like he had the strength to swim back up, his body had long lost the will to keep itself alive during battles for survival like this.

He sank. He let himself sink. And it got darker, and pressure built, and Alex sank, until he could barely move his body and felt the weight of the entire fucking ocean press down on him until he just- turned to nothing but dust.

Until he combusted. Until he disappeared into absolute nothingness, until not a single piece of him was left, until Alex was gone.

He’d felt the entirety of the world pressing against him, and then he felt nothing. Perhaps that had been even more painful than the ocean’s heaviness.

Youngbin was going to be free.

No more characters to play. No more relationships to lie about. No more acts to uphold. No longer taken. No more fear and pressure and nausea and no more intrusive thoughts. After six weeks, it had come to an end.

The act was over, the curtains were drawn. Maybe Youngbin had secretly waited for this moment all along. Because things had just been- too much. Not Alex, he hadn’t been, but everything that surrounded Alex, everything that he implied.

The thought of being in a relationship hadn’t been right from the very start. It had always sat somewhere, heavily in Youngbin’s stomach, like it was something he wasn’t made for. To be around Alex had come natural to him. To call him his boyfriend never had. No matter how much he’d gotten used to it, he now realised, it never actually felt natural. It never felt all that right. It always seemed forbidden to say.

Youngbin, maybe, had gotten used to saying forbidden things. Because Alex did it all the time, and he had learned from him, most definitely, to get out there and say and think and do and feel forbidden things. But in the end they were forbidden. For a reason.

And now it was over.

Youngbin watched Alex’ online status disappear and turned off his phone. He was free. Right. It was over. So? What was he supposed to do now? His chest still felt tight, his fingers numb, and Youngbin was free.

Perhaps he was a little scared. Ever since Alex got into a fight with Dennis, people hadn’t dared to even quietly speak ill of Youngbin. For just a while, he’d become untouchable. But how long until they found out that the two were no longer together? That Alex wasn’t there to protect Youngbin anymore?

Would he still protect Youngbin? Even if he wasn’t his so-called boyfriend, would he come to his rescue anyways? Did he need to? Maybe he didn’t need to. Maybe Youngbin was safe now. Or maybe, just maybe, he could deal with it on his own.

Youngbin sighed, heavily, as though he could breathe out all the tension forming in his body. That feeling that something had gone terribly wrong. That one feeling of something approaching. It hadn’t gone away. Maybe it would, though, soon. When Everything had fallen into place and his head and body and heart had realised that the act was over.

Maybe some parts of his body had failed to recognise that it was an act at all. Youngbin breathed out again, deeply. They would, soon. And then there was no more worry left. Yeah. Sure.

Something felt so very off. Something was so very wrong. But the script had reached it’s end, and he couldn’t check what he was supposed to do about it now.

Kerning

Chapter 26 - THE BITTER END / fin

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