To be absolutely clear, there’d been many reasons for Youngbin to stay up late this Saturday night.

One of them was because he’d still have to work on that biology presentation that he’d been dreading. Though he’d already agreed that Kaya would take over the visual and creative stuff, Youngbin was responsible for research, fact checking, writing detailed enough notes for Kaya to condense them into nice little bullet points.

Another reason was that his sleep schedule had been so awfully messed up that sleeping before midnight, or even daring to get ready for bed, just felt too impossible. And it wasn’t midnight just yet.

There was, of course, potentially, another reason. Youngbin had been checking his phone every ten minutes since seven pm sharp, since Alex arrived at the party at Min’s place. He’d promised to text every now and then, promised to stay out of trouble, to stay safe, to behave and reach out if something was wrong.

Now he hadn’t texted in four hours. Which, of course, could’ve meant something good, that he was having a nice civilised time with his friends with nothing wrong, and he just got caught up in drinking various non-alcoholic beverages that he’d forgotten to tell Youngbin he was okay.

Or, alternatively, he was absolutely not doing that at all.

Youngbin could obviously just text him and ask. Just to get a quick update. Something like “hey, everything alright still?” or maybe “how’s the party” or “hope you’re having fun!” but- Did he even have a right to do that? Was that controlling, to sit at one's desk and check one’s phone like some sort of freak instead of getting something done? Was that weird boyfriend behaviour?

It wasn’t boyfriend behaviour at all, really, because they weren’t boyfriends, but maybe it was just weird friend behaviour. Not that the exact term mattered much, because in the end, it was just weird. Or too controlling. Or too motherly.

Youngbin tapped the space key on his tablet, a habit he’d learned, when he didn’t have anything to write down, just push any key so he would keep his hands occupied and stay in the flow. Problem was, the entire file that was supposed to be for notes on his presentation was just empty spaces now.

He knew that nothing wasn’t going to come to his mind now. Not when his mind was all used up by worrying about Alex.

What even was there to worry about? He wasn’t some child. He drank and did other stuff sometimes, apparently, and that was a normal thing to do. He was 19. He was mature enough to have his own apartment. He’d promised to take care of himself. There was absolutely nothing to worry about, and yet, Youngbin couldn’t help but- Well, worry.

Alex wasn’t exactly the most stable lately. There was something about him, his eyes, his expressions. Youngbin had absolutely no idea what it was. But it was wrong. And on top of that, his hand was still bandaged, his face still looked a bit rough, the wounds on his lips and cheeks hadn’t quite healed yet.

What if he got hurt? Again? What if he hurt someone? Or himself? By now, the entire school had learned about what had happened between Alex and Dennis. Was there a possibility for him to be there as well? Would someone see a drunken Alex as a challenge?

Youngbin groaned, his thoughts making him go absolutely insane. There was no need to feel like this. Everything was fine. Everything was going to be fine.

He’s just out partying. He’s got his friends around. It’s just a party.

Though, the fact that Youngbin had actually never been to a party didn’t help his paranoia. He’d seen and read and heard plenty of those oh so dreaded teenage house parties. From shows, mostly, and he knew well that he probably shouldn’t believe Euphoria to be an accurate representation of parties, or of being a highschooler in general. But still. Still.

Well, fuck it. Youngbin finally lifted his finger from the space button, turned off his tablet, grabbed his phone again. Alex’ chat was still open, the last message sent at 7:15.

» arrived at the min hq 👍🏾will let u know when shit goes down! «

Maybe shit simply hadn’t gone down yet. Maybe that was the reason for his silence. Youngbin hoped to god it was. He hesitated, his fingers hovering over the screen, before finally typing:

» Hi just wanted to check if you’re doing alright :) «

That already sounded stupid. Too late though, he’d sent it. He put the phone down, and sat there. He wasn’t quite sure what exactly he was waiting for. Well, probably a text back that told him there was nothing to worry about. Maybe Alex had already come home, before midnight, to catch some sleep, like a good guy. Probably not.

Youngbin rested his head on his desk. He felt like an idiot. More so than usual. He felt like his own mother, not being able to bear the thought of someone doing something that wasn’t totally clean and pure and good and fine and legal. And he also felt like Kaya, not being able to bear the thought that someone was having fun in public just like that.

He turned his head. Then turned it around again. Then stared at his phone. Turned his head away again. Life was hell and he wished Alex were here. In his room. Fine and safe and sober. He turned his head back to his phone, and it lit up.

New message.

» YED

YED

YWES

U gotta br here tooooo plhz come ovber «

So much for being sober. But fine. Whatever. It was a party. Of course he’d drink.

» u mids youre prettry face u goota come «

» *your «

» my what «

» Forget it

Are you really ok? «

» woufl ferl bettr with youuuuuuz «

» Are you VERY drunk or normal drunk «

» DRIUNKF ON YOUT LOVR BOY «

» Okay I see that explains it «

Youngbin rolled his eyes, sighed. He was just drunk. At a party. Being drunk at a party was the most normal thing ever. Nothing about it was worrisome or bad or panic inducing. Alex was fine. Having fun, actually. It was fine.

Another message appeared.

» h «

Okay. He was fine. Alex was doing just fine. Youngbin rubbed his eyes, sighed again, checked the clock. 11:31. Too early to go to bed, but probably the better choice. He’d rather try to sleep now than to pretend to do school work for another five hours. And it wasn’t like there was going to come anything else from Alex now.

It. Was. Fine.

Margo and Lani were there, and Min, and probably a lot of other people that could watch out for him, or be worse than him. It was fine. It’d become a mantra by now, it was fine, it was fine, it was fine.

Until he got another message. Unknown number.

» hellooo is this mister young bean lee

i am reaching out to you regarding your boyfriends extended warranty «

» Excuse you?

Who am I talking to «

» oh yea right hi this is margo

i got your number from alex

i mean i got it myself form alex phone WHCIH HE KEEPS DROPPING like an idiot «

» I see???

Is anything up «

» yea all of it is up

you need to come get your man i cant take it anymore 🚬 «

» Please do elaborate?? «

» hes fucking out of it

shitfaced drunk

lani too but i can handle her

not him tho its too much «

Oh, so nothing was fine. Not a thing. Fuck. Youngbin’s stomach hurt. Even Margo was reaching out. To him. To his boyfriend. This was a ‘your boyfriend has to solve this’ kind of matter, a ‘I as your best friend can’t help you, but your boyfriend that you love sure can’ kind of thing.

» I don’t live too far away so you could bring him to me? «

» oh yea no not a chance im leaving this place

im trying to keep an eye on lani and if i look away for two seconds shes gone i dont need that

plz just like come here for half a minute and pick up your “boyfriend” and tell him to stop drinking while youre at it

got a feeling hell listen to you more «

Youngbin froze. Why the quotation marks? Did she- not believe or did she know?

» Okay fine I’ll be on my way

Can you send me the address? «

» thanks bro lmk when youre there and ill come outside

saving my ass here

and like alex ass too ig «

Then, attached was the address. A ten minute walk. Not a big deal, actually, if it wasn’t the middle of the night and the street lights had been dimmed to save power. Who knew what, or who was lurking around in the shadows of these terribly expensive houses and neatly cut bushes.

Youngbin sighed, pushed himself away from his desk and stepped in front of his mirror. He couldn’t go like that, in sweatpants and the hoodie Alex had given him a week ago. It didn’t matter if he was staying for three seconds to scoop up Alex, people were going to see him.

Great, now he had to pick out an outfit. For a party. What was one even wearing at a party? Well, he wasn’t at the party but just kind of in front of it, hopefully. So what was one going to wear when standing in front of the house in which parties were happening? Was there a dress code?

This was why he never went anywhere. Because all of this, the mere preparation of going somewhere, was absolutely nerve crushing already. But he didn’t have much time to be nerve crushed right now. Get Alex, now, and go home, and be done with it.

Youngbin opened his closet, and stared at all of the neatly folded expensive sweaters for a second before realising that parties meant people throwing up, and maybe Alex throwing up, and a lot of dirt and grime and alcohol spilling out of these red plastic cups Youngbin wasn’t even sure existed outside of movies.

Okay, whatever, he just reached in and grabbed one of the shirts that were the cheap kind, those so-called basics he only ever wore underneath the oversized knit sweaters or button ups if he felt fancy. Then a pair of jeans, whatever, it probably looked just fine.

Perhaps that basic he’d chosen, a white turtleneck, was one of the worse choices he could’ve made, it was rather form fitting since it’d been made to be worn underneath something, but it was going to be just okay, really. Once he’d thrown that good old jean jacket on, nobody could see how snugly it was sitting on his torso. Hopefully.

He stared at himself in the mirror again. This was horrible, actually. The way it sat so tight. Not that it felt bad, he liked the feeling of fabric, soft ones like this, hugging his body. It just looked wrong. Because it looked fashionable. And Youngbin wasn’t fashionable, not in that way. He wore expensive things, quite often, but that was it, the fashionable part about his outfits were the tiny brand logos somewhere on the hem of his shirts or hidden on the tag.

Well shit.

It did kind of look good, though. If only the body the outfit was clinging to wasn’t Youngbin’s. He wasn’t really allowed to look good. Or to feel like he was looking good, so he looked at his face instead, a tired one with massive dark circles under his eyes. His skin was unclean, full of marks and discolourations. It was the stress. And the fact that he wasn’t wearing makeup right now.

He no longer thought he looked good, and somehow that made things a bit easier.

He grabbed his phone, turned off the lights in his room, and snuck downstairs. His parents were asleep. Nobody would know he was going out. Now that was actually sneaking out, and now Youngbin felt like a completely different person when the front door closed shut behind him.

Youngbin didn’t really have to look for Min’s house. It was the only one in the neighbourhood with coloured blinking lights and a low constant buzz emitting from it. And also, it was a huge house. Youngbin vaguely remembered it being renovated a year or two back, and it was a huge deal. His mother had talked about it for weeks, about how much money these people are spending on things like an elevator. In a two story home, at that. Youngbin understood why now.

He kept his distance once he’d spotted people sitting on the porch, all of them holding bottles in their hands, chatting. They hadn’t noticed that Youngbin slowly approached the home just yet, and he would’ve liked to keep it that way. There was no need to interact with anyone tonight that wasn’t Margo or Alex.

» I’m outside now «

He kept his phone in his hand, close to his chest, and stayed where he was. Just outside of the reach of a cone of cool light the light post was throwing on the ground. He could stay in the shadows just fine. This was fine.

» outside in a sec « it came back from Margo, and Youngbin pulled the sleeves of his jacket over his hands as best as he could. It wasn’t as cold as it should have been, for a night in late October, ten days away from Halloween.

In fact, it was warm enough that one of the guys sitting in the well kept grass of the front lawn was wearing a t-shirt. Or maybe he had lost his jacket somewhere. Or maybe alcohol was just warming his body.

Youngbin squinted at the group of guys. Two of them were sitting upright, talking, occasionally sipping from whatever drink they held in their hands. A third one was laying down, and Youngbin couldn’t see his face. His gaze shot from the wide pompous front door back to the groups of boys, then to the door again. Margo was taking a painfully long time to get outside.

Now the guy lying down shuffled, and finally got up, catching Youngbin’s attention. Two eyes, one dark and one blue, instantly locked with Youngbin’s.

No. No, no, no, not him. Not Demian, here, out of all the people, out of all places, not now.

His lips curled upwards as he spotted Youngbin, almost as though he was happy to see him. Youngbin’s face froze, and he could only hope that it wasn’t displaying any kind of fear or confusion right now.

“Youngbin!” His voice felt like a cool touch on Youngbin’s heating cheeks, he dragged out his name like honey. “You here?”

Youngbin cleared his throat, unsure if he should say anything at all or pretend to never have seen Demian. His jacket was already almost fully covering his chest, but he felt the need to pull it closed further. Though, he didn’t have the time to even think about an answer.

“Youngbin? The guy Alex’s fucking?”

“Oh my god, fuck off, dude.” Demian rolled his eyes, his tone sharp, and for a second it felt as though Demian was defending him. “This ain’t about Alex. What’s up, man? You’re looking good.”

“Thanks,” it came out of Youngbin’s mouth, strained and insecure. He couldn’t see him, right? His awful choice of outfit. He couldn’t tell how tight that top was. His eyes darted back to the door to dodge Demian’s smug expression, the way he was eyeing him with a grin, and those god damn dimples.

He looked back at his phone. No new message. Maybe Margo had gotten lost. Or got stuck in the elevator. Whatever it was, she better hurry. Something about standing outside with a tipsy Demian made his heart pound against his chest to the point that it drowned out the music coming from inside.

“Bin! Ayo!” Margo’s voice, sweet and smooth and like the first ray of sunshine after a day-long storm, echoed through the October air to Youngbin’s ears. She hadn’t walked through the front door, instead stuck her head through a fence gate, frantically waving Youngbin over.

Youngbin sighed heavily, not giving another look to Demian, and slipped through the gate along with Margo to get out of sight.

“Where’s Alex?” He looked around. Min’s garden was nice, it had a pool, a big patio, a campfire with a couple of people sitting around it listening to music with their own music box while a louder beat was coming from inside through the open patio door. It was empty here. Almost serene. Youngbin had a suspicion that it wouldn’t be the same inside.

“Hopefully wherever I’ve left him. Basement.” She nodded towards another door, lit with colourful fairy lights, leading down a staircase.

“So get him up here?”

Margo’s expression changed, a little embarrassed, a little tired, whatever it was, Youngbin didn’t like it.

“He just sat down for a drinking game. I can’t get him up. You can try, though.” She turned around, and the skirt of her pink pleated dress twirled as she did.

“Wait, wait, hold on-” Youngbin walked after her, tapping her shoulder. “I didn’t agree to come down there-”

“It’s not that bad, most people that are playing are pretty alright. Besides-” She turned her head, flashed a grin. “Good audience for you two, isn’t it?”

“So you know?”

“Course I do. Alex is shit at lying to me.” Margo skipped down the stairs and soon disappeared in the reddish pink glow that weakly lit the basement. Youngbin took a deep breath, looked back as though to evaluate his plan of escape, and lowered himself right into hell.

The music here wasn’t as loud. Thankfully. The large speakers must’ve been used up upstairs, judging by the way the bass was vibrating through the ceiling. Maybe someone had turned the music lower down here to allow for better conversations and games. Either way, it wasn’t as loud as Youngbin had feared.

The basement entrance was rather narrow, leading into a room with a sofa and a ping pong table where someone played beer pong. The players paid Youngbin no mind. From that room, another narrow hallway led to a flight of stairs and a lift on one side, and on the other, another room.

It smelled of alcohol and smoke and sweat and weed. Youngbin wasn’t sure how long he could breathe down here.

Margo made her entrance grand, raising her arms up in the air when she walked in, and Lani cheered, followed by whoever else was there. Youngbin wanted to melt into the floor right now. He stuck his head through the door after Margo had settled down on the floor, an old sofa next to her already being taken up by a couple of people; A girl with bleach blonde box braids that he’d seen a couple of times at school, then Wayne, from Alex’ basketball practice, and then Alex himself. He held a bottle in his hands, a huge one, and Youngbin couldn’t read the label from here, especially not in that low lighting, but it certainly didn’t seem like water.

His eyes lit up, in a way Youngbin wasn’t sure he’d seen before, when Alex spotted him. He raised his arm to wave, the contents of his bottle spilling out a little and landing on Margo who was leaning against the armrest of the sofa.

“Ew, dude! Is that Vodka? Have you been drinking that straight out of the-”

“Binnie! Bin! Holy shiiit!” His smile was beaming. “You’re here, ohhh my god!” His voice sounded a little raspy, like he’d been talking way too much tonight already. Every word was drawn out, slurred slightly. But the grin on his face was audible within his tone.

“I was going to-”

“Sit down! Wait, get him a drink-” Alex attempted to get up, but Wayne pressed him down.

“Dude, sit- You’re gonna die, man. Don’t get up, you’ll break every bone.”

Without complaints, Alex fell back down, staring right at Youngbin with the biggest smile he ever could’ve mustered. He patted his armrest next to him, then his own lap.

“Sit, sit down! Here! Or here. Where you want, man. Sit down!” He was way too euphoric to see Youngbin. It was almost cute. “Play with us, we’re doing, uuuh- Uhm- Like playing somethin’, I think.”

Youngbin stared at Margo, who shrugged, then back at Alex. It wasn’t like he could say no now. With a sigh, Youngbin slipped past the people sitting on the floor in a circle, all of which had now put their full attention on him. It was fine. This was okay. It was an audience, as always, nothing but an audience watching his act. He sat down on the hard armrest, careful not to kick Margo in the process.

Alex beamed at him, put an arm around his waist, just to pull it away immediately again. He should've known by now that Youngbin didn’t really have an issue with this anymore.

“We’re playing Never Have I Ever,” someone in the round announced to Youngbin, as if he was just a normal part of the group and not a sheep that had run right into a pack of wolves. “You gotta have something to drink.”

“I don’t, uh- I don’t drink, actually.”

“Super fine, man, super duper fine, dude! Wanna have water? Iced tea? Orange juice?” Wayne had jumped up, stumbled a little over his own feet in the process. “I’ll get you anything, man. Coke. Soda. Beer. No, wait. Coke.”

“J-just water is fine? I don’t plan on st-”

“On it, dude, let’s gooo!”

Alex leaned his head to the side, bumping it into Youngbin’s arm. His smile hadn’t faded.

“‘M so happy you came!”

“I didn’t really- I was just going to pick you up, really. Margo told me to.” Now he frowned, a bit too honestly. Not that silly little ‘pretend to be upset’ kind of frown.

“‘N I thought you came because you love me.”

“Technically I did come because I love you-“ And the smile reappeared. “-because I’m trying to get you home safely so you stop drinking. But now we’re playing a drinking game, apparently.” Youngbin sighed as his eyes followed Wayne, who clumsily tried to pour water into a cup. It was water, right?

“Come on, it’s gonna be fun…” Alex did sound tired, to be fair. Or maybe that was just what he sounded like drunk. Youngbin wished that he could’ve just picked him up and carried him home.

Wayne pressed the cup into Youngbin’s hand, and after smelling it once, and taking the tiniest little sip, he confirmed that it was indeed water. He didn’t believe that Wayne would give him something else on purpose, but in this lighting, mixed with whatever a drunken vision may have looked like, he couldn’t be so sure.

“Okay,” the person on the floor began, and they seemed to be obviously in charge of the games down here. “Never Have I Ever, if you have, you drink. If we ask questions, you answer. Give us all the tea you have. Easy peasy. Anyone wanna start?”

Another one of these things Youngbin had only ever seen in shows. Every time he’d thought these games were terribly boring. Because he just hadn’t done anything, ever.

“Never have I ever…” Wayne raised his hand first. “Had a one night stand.”

Obviously he hadn’t. So Youngbin just looked around and watched a couple of other people drink. Wayne did. Margo did as well. Alex- he leaned forward a bit, looking over to the girl sitting at the other side of the couch.

“Did that count as a one night stand?”

She scoffed, flipped her hair and nearly hit Wayne with her braids.

“We literally started dating right after. So no.”

“Hm. Wait, you’re right.”

Wait. So they dated? That was another ex of his? Youngbin blinked slowly. He kind of forgot that there was a whole life before Youngbin, and even before Leia. Hard to believe, when life with Leia kind of was the whole focus, at all times. And speaking of, Youngbin noticed only now how Leia wasn’t here. Well, of course not, she wouldn’t do that to herself, hang out with Alex at a party. But that girl did. So what made her different from Leia?

“Never have I ever,” the girl now started, “kissed someone and it didn’t mean anything.”

“Bro, who hasn’t?” Someone in the round chugged their bottle empty. Alex drank. The girl did as well. Margo drank. Lani, who’d kind of disappeared into the dark wall behind her, drank. Wayne didn’t.

Youngbin- Well, he should’ve. He’d done it, obviously. Twice. And he’d only ever kissed someone twice. Like actually kissed someone, on the lips. And it’d always been fake. The question was if he should reveal that, if the people around him knew that his only two kisses were with his so-called boyfriend, and if drinking now would make them suspicious- Well, no whatever. None of these people even really knew him.

He took a sip from his water. It was room temperature, and that didn’t help the fact that it was already stuffy and boiling hot in here. He was tempted to take off the jacket, then realised that he absolutely couldn’t. Because of such a minor thing, because his stupid shirt was just a tiny little bit form fitting and yet he felt almost naked in it.

“Wayne, how many people have you kissed?”

He shuffled when the question was asked, then cleared his throat.

“Like two people, man, I don’t know.” He looked a bit uncomfortable. Youngbin wanted to pat his back and say something like ‘Don’t worry, dude, bro, my guy, homie, I’ve kissed one person and it’s just pretend.’ He couldn’t do that, of course.

Only now, Youngbin noticed a sharp glance from Alex, but as soon as their eyes met, he quickly turned back to the group.

“Never have I… haaave I ever… uuh...” He swayed his bottle, and Youngbin could finally tell that it was actually vodka. Damn. Youngbin wanted to pry the bottle out of his hand and pour it down the drain. “Have I… never… like, done the, like…”

“Never have I ever fucked a coworker,” Margo interrupted him. She drank right after finishing the sentence. Nobody else did, at first, then one other person did after thinking for a while.

“You only have two coworkers, Mango.” Lani sounded as though she tried to whisper, but failed miserably. “Some old woman and a straight girl.”

“Oh, she’s not straight.” Margo grinned, and Lani’s face changed to something Youngbin absolutely could not pin down, especially not with her heavy makeup. Someone in the crowd whistled, and Lani took a big slow sip from her drink.

“Never have I ever had sex in-“

“Guys, the sex questions suck.” Finally someone was talking some sense into the group. “Never have I ever killed a guy or something.”

“Nobody here has killed a guy, Chris.”

“Well, okay, then start doing it now.”

“Never have I ever thought about making out with Alex Hill,” someone now said, and Youngbin wasn’t sure if he was supposed to drink now.

Well, Alex drank for some reason. And the girl that apparently was his ex also did, but not without letting out an annoyed groan first, as though the thought of it was horribly embarrassing. Two more people did as well.

Youngbin suppressed a sigh when a couple of eyes had moved to him, including Alex’, and he drank. As soon as the gazes had moved away, Youngbin leaned down to Alex, and as though to reassure him, he whispered:

“I haven’t actually, don’t worry.”

He wasn’t sure if maybe Alex hadn’t heard him, or if he didn’t want to make it too obvious by answering, but he just stayed silent.

“This is boring,” he then said, “‘n also I know you all thought about it at least once.”

“If I were a girl and you were single, I’d like, totally make out with you. Like, just once. To see what it’s like.” Wayne slapped Alex’ thigh, and Youngbin wondered if he knew that he didn’t have to be a girl to do that.

“Oh, it sucks,” the girl with the braids said, then leaned forward to look at Youngbin, for the first time ever. Did she hate him as well? Like Leia probably did? “Sorry, man. It’s fine if you like it, nothing against your personal preferences.”

Youngbin felt his cheeks heat up. He wasn’t sure how to answer, so his hand automatically rose up to give her an awkward thumbs up. This was the worst. But at least she didn’t laugh at him. Nobody did, actually. Nobody had treated him like dirt just yet.

“Wait, I got one. Never have I ever been in love with my best friend.” Wayne had already lifted his cup as soon as someone had asked that question, but multiple people decided to interrupt the game at that point. Must’ve been a difficult question. Hit a sore spot, perhaps.

“Stop with the fucking romance questions, please-“

“This is boring as shit,” Lani complained.

“Who the fuck cares, next.”

Alex just stared at his bottle, then at Youngbin.

“You’re my best friend,” he just said, quietly. He sounded so honest, surprised, like it was a discovery he’d just made. Youngbin smiled, yeah, he was. That wasn’t news. He’d said that before. It was just weirdly cute of him to say.

“Okay, spin the bottle instead?” Margo now suggested. “Or truth or dare?”

“If y’all play truth or dare, I’m in as well.” Someone else entered the room, another face Youngbin didn’t recognize. “Someone make space for me.”

They were quite thin and short, and yet there was definitely no space for them anymore. Unless, of course, Youngbin made space by taking a different seat. He sighed, and this was going to be the most uncomfortable- as in, physically uncomfortable- thing he’d ever done, and also kind of the most cringe one, but whatever tight turtleneck wearing demon had possessed Youngbin tonight made him do it regardless.

He slipped off his seat on the arm rest and instead, after making eye contact with Alex to make sure it wasn’t coming out of nowhere, sat down on the lap of his fake boyfriend. Almost like a real boyfriend. And it was weird. Last time he’d sat on someone’s lap was when he was ten or so. But it- fit. Like, it was an okay seat.

Alex had nice thighs. To sit on. That sounded bad. But they were nice and strong and yet pretty soft because they had a lot of fat on them, and they were very comfortable and very good to sit on, and that still sounded really bad. But there he was, on his new seat. On Alex. He tried to not think about it too much.

The new person thanked Youngbin for making space, and sat down on the awfully hard armrest. Maybe Alex’ thighs were actually a blessing, because- No, he’d already decided to not think about it. He was making it horribly weird. For himself, mostly.

“Okay, we’re doing truth or dare, I guess.” Margo shrugged, but there was something amused in her voice. She knew about Youngbin and Alex now. So she must’ve noticed how awkward this seat situation was. “Lani. Truth or dare?”

“Mh… Dare.”

“Ooh, okay. Any suggestions for a dare?”

Youngbin didn’t really listen. Alex was hot. Like, his body was hot. As in, his temperature. He wore a sleeveless shirt, and his skin was so warm, like someone had replaced his heart with an engine. The close proximity made the heat problem worse. Youngbin sighed. He was going to die from a heat stroke.

He wiggled out of his jacket without hitting anyone close to him, then put it on his lap carefully, adamant to position himself and the piece of fabric in front of himself so that as little of his torso was visible as possible. It felt better. And worse. Like approximately thirty layers of fabric were missing.

Apparently Lani had already done her dare by the time Youngbin was done. Youngbin hadn’t really noticed what it was, but it was her turn.

“Okay, Willow.” The girl with the braids moved. So that was her name. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.” Willow leaned back, her arms crossed.

“Okaaaay, sooo…” Lani was drunk as well, so much was clear. She was just a little better at hiding it. Mostly, if it wasn’t for her miserable expression. “If… So, what if… Okaaay.” Maybe she wasn’t all that good, actually. “Wait, this sucks, I can’t think of anything. No, wait, if you were an animal, what would you be?”

“Your fursona,” Margo added.

“Your fursona,” Lani repeated.

“Leopard.” Willow’s answer came quick and clear. As if she’d thought about this a lot before. “Next. Alex, truth or dare?”

“Daaare,” he said, tilting his head so that he could look past Youngbin. His spiked collar poked into Youngbin’s shoulder.

“Okay. Nice. Fuck, Marry, Kill. Me, Leia, Youngbin.”

“Dude, what the fuck, Willow.” Alex tensed up. Youngbin could feel it. He did as well. “Kill you, just for this.”

“So you fucking Leilei or your boyfriend?”

“Well- Fuck you, man, I’m not answering that. Give me something else. That’s fucked.”

“Don’t be a pussy, Alex, it’s just a game.”

“No, ‘s fucked. Not even a dare, that’s just a fucking question. Gimme something else.”

“He’s not wrong,” Margo said. She sensed his discomfort. Not that it was particularly hard to spot.

“Fine. Okay, uh… Chug a random person's drink. And like, the whole thing.”

Was that the sort of thing that was funny at parties? Probably not, judging by the unimpressed faces around them. Alex sighed, then grabbed Wayne’s beer. There didn’t seem to be much left in the bottle anyways, he’d finished it in just a couple of slugs. Willow sighed.

“That was nothing. Do it again.”

Now Alex chose Youngbin’s water. Which was fine. Quite welcome, actually.

“‘Kay. My turn. Bin, truth or…”

“Truth.” He’d always thought that this game was easy. Always go with the truth. They’ll ask spicy questions, and he wouldn’t have an answer for them, because he’d just generally never done anything, ever, in his whole life.

“Okay. Do you… Wanna go home?” Alex was really close to Youngbin, he could feel his hot breath though the thin fabric of his shirt. He didn’t mind.

“Oh, boo,” someone called. “At least ask him a real question and you can go home.” Alex hummed, his voice had gotten lower. He was tired.

“Okay. What part about me… do you like the most? Phys- Phsi- Physically.” He was so close. And so good at this. At sounding natural, and flirty, more so than when he was sober. Maybe a bit too good. Youngbin’s whole body had started to feel hot.

His arms. For sure. But now, he was thinking about the thighs, maybe. But then there were his eyes. Dark and sharp and deep. And his lips. His hair, especially before it’d been dyed and straightened. The mole on his neck. The scar on his hand. His hands, big and warm and rough. Well, shit. Alex was hot. Most things about his body were, undeniably. And he’d seen quite a few parts of his body by now.

“Everything,” Youngbin concluded, and he didn’t even have to lie. His face must’ve taken the colour of his hair by now, but he was hoping that it wasn’t visible in this lighting. “I can’t decide.”

“Doesn’t count. Choose one thing.” Was he teasing him? Did he notice how flustered this made Youngbin?

Maybe his tattoos. The one that went from his arm all the way to his shoulder, and to his chest. His chest- His nose, the little bump of it. The colour of his skin, dark and warm. The heat of his skin. His shoulders. His stomach, of which he’d snuck a single glance once. Well, shit. That didn’t really help.

“Seriously, I can’t choose. You’re too-“ Hot. He could just say it. He’d done it plenty of times. “You know what, I’ll go with your smile. I like your smile the most.”

Willow groaned, made a vomiting noise, but various others let out a coo.

“That’s cute. You can go now. Actually, please go now.” Margo reached around the person that had taken a seat on the armrest to awkwardly pet Youngbin’s shin. “I’ll take over. Bye. Byeeee.”

Perfect idea, actually. Youngbin had been waiting for this for long enough. He jumped up from his embarrassingly comfortable seat, and offered Alex a hand, who looked as though he had trouble processing the last thirty seconds. He inhaled, took another swing of his bottle before placing it into Wayne’s arms, then grabbed Youngbin hand with his own bandaged one, and got up stumbling.

The air didn't feel as warm when Youngbin finally had made his way out of the basement. It was refreshingly cool against his skin and the fabric of his shirt, which was so very noticeably thin. He’d never felt that aware of the fabrics on his body as he had now. Alex’ hand still held onto his, tightly, like it was the only stable thing to hold onto. Maybe it was.

“You're here,” Alex said, like it was some sort of new discovery. Youngbin nodded, stopped, and turned around to him, now that they had escaped the tightness of the basement. He felt like he could move again. Breathe.

“Margo told me to.”

“‘N I told you too.”

“Did you? Bit hard to read.” Youngbin just teased. Alex frowned.

“Was tryin’ to.”

“Well, I'm here. Because Margo got annoyed with you.” Youngbin pushed the fence gate open, Alex stumbled behind him. “She said you're drinking too much.”

“And she's smoking too much.”

“Doesn’t seem to be much of a problem for her, though. You, however-” Now he sounded so scolding. Which wasn't his intention, absolutely not. But now it looked kind of funny, the way Alex looked at him like a hurt puppy.

“I'm sorry,” he let out.

“Yeah. Be sorry later. I'll get you home first.” Youngbin decided to support Alex’ body weight, shifting and swaying, by putting his arm around his waist. His waist. It felt tiny in Youngbin’s arms. He hadn’t noticed that before, not like that, how small his waist was compared to the rest of his body. Not that he had to think about that right now.

The two slipped through the garden gate back onto the front yard. Youngbin looked around. The group of guys was still sitting there. Demian was, as well.

Like he’d been waiting for Youngbin to walk out, he looked towards the gate while his friends were talking. He wasn’t even listening. But his eyes changed when he saw Alex.

He propped himself up, rolled his head back, pushed a strand of blonde hair out of his face, glowing golden in the light being emitted from the house. Alex hadn't noticed him yet, and Youngbin prayed that Demian was going to be smart about this. Don't talk.

But of course he did.

“Somebody got too wasted?” Demian’s voice had lost its sweetness from earlier. It just sounded annoying now. “Y'can be lucky you've got Youngbin, for real. Doubt anyone else would give enough of a shit to carry you home like-”

“Oh my god, fuck off.” Alex groaned, leaning more of his weight onto Youngbin, who was already struggling to hold him. “Like, just fuck off. Stop talking. Shut the fuck up.”

“Somebody looks angry, Hill! Maybe if you showed up to practice today, y’could've blown off some-”

“Blow off what, you?” Alex’ voice was more of a mutter now, more to himself than to Demian. He still heard it, though. His reacting facial expression was kind of impossible to read.

“Get home already, asshole. Use your poor little boyfriend like a nurse, go on, really show him how fuckin’ great it is to take care of your drunken ass.”

“Oh my god.” Alex nearly fell as he tried to drag Youngbin with him, away from Demian, away from this house. “You're still so fucking mad I didn’t suck your dick, jesus fuckin’ christ.” He held up his middle finger, as though that was the end of the discussion, walked a couple of steps, or rather, fell a couple of steps, then added, more to himself: “Not everyone wants to fuck you, you bitch.”

They were probably already out of reach for Demian to hear that, but Youngbin did, and he decided not to think about it much. Alex could explain that to him if he was sober. Or never bring it up again. Not that it really mattered to him.

What mattered was getting Alex home without either of them dying.

“You're not wearing a jacket,” Youngbin noted, Alex’ naked arm having swung itself around his narrow shoulders. Not that he was cold, it was quite the opposite. As always.

“Lost it,” Alex said. “Margo’s gonna find it. Maybe.”

“What about your phone? Keys? Anything like that?”

“Mhh, fuck if I know- Shit.” His free hand patted down the pockets of his ripped jeans.

“Lost as well?”

“I dunno.” He stopped in his tracks, making Youngbin almost trip. “Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I- I mean, no, not really, but-”

“I think you’re like, really mad at me. ‘S okay. You can tell me.”

“I’m not mad at you, Alex. Why would I?”

“‘Cause… Because I drink vodka from the bottle, that’s kinda trashy. ‘N you had to pick me up. Also I lost all my shit. I’m kinda-” He hiccuped. “Kinda, like, useless.”

“You’re not useless and I’m not mad at you.” Youngbin had lowered his voice, hoping that Alex would notice and do the same. It must’ve been past midnight by now. He couldn’t afford for the people in this stupid rich neighbourhood to look out the window and see the beloved son of the Lee family walking down the street with some drunk idiot.

His mother would find out about that very quickly if someone did.

“If you ever get mad at me I’ll kill myself.” Alex’ voice was sad and lulled and childish. Youngbin huffed.

“I’ll get even madder if you kill yourself.”

Alex let out a whine, leaning more into Youngbin. He was quite impressed with himself for being able to actually support him somewhat. For now. His body was going to hurt like hell tomorrow.

Their steps were slow and heavy, echoing on the stone sidewalk as the party got further away and silence took over the night. It was a nice night, actually. Not as cold and wet and windy. The sky was clear, the air was still. Somewhat romantic.

Or, could’ve been, but it was just Youngbin, tired and weak, and Alex, drunk and sad, out on the streets. Youngbin could've tried as hard as he wanted, there was absolutely no romance to be found. Just- serenity, maybe. Or awkwardness. Probably the latter.

“Do I sleep in your bed?”

“Probably.” Youngbin grunted, trying to adjust Alex’ arm around his shoulder. “I’m not gonna get the mattress out for you now. Mom’s gonna have to live with it.”

“With you?”

“If you snore, then no.” Another whine. “But otherwise, yes, probably. Unless you don’t want me to. I suppose I could-”

“No, it’s good. Fine. It’s fine. That’s totally chill.”

He sounded so tired. Felt so tired, so heavy, like he was about to break down. It’d take a whole while until they’d get home, though. A ten minute walk was going to turn into fifteen, maybe twenty. Maybe more.

Youngbin clung a little more to him, his waist. He felt the leather of belts and straps and harnesses underneath his fingers, a cold contrast to everything else about Alex’ burning body. They sat tightly around his body, and Youngbin couldn’t imagine them being close to comfortable. Taking them off was going to be a hassle.

“Bin, why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you, like, uh- takin’ me home?”

“Because Margo asked.”

“And why did you say yes?”

“Because you’re my friend.” And because saying no to Margo sounds scary.

“And my boyfriend.”

“Right, totally. And your best friend.”

“You’re a good boyfriend.”

“Am I?” Now Youngbin couldn’t hide a grin. “Well, I suppose I try really hard to be one.”

“Me too. I’m trying. Like, really hard. For you.” A sigh, long and sad. “’M not good at it.”

“Oh, no, I’d say you’re doing a decent job. We’re doing a pretty believable job. Both of us.”

Alex didn’t answer, so Youngbin took that as an agreement.

Aside from Margo, who apparently had it figured out, was there anyone else? Anyone that hadn’t believed their act? Everyone was falling for it.

Falling for it. Just like Alex was falling right this second.

“Holy fucking shit-” He tripped, stumbled forward, and was absolutely going to take Youngbin with him if he hadn’t slipped underneath Alex’ arm just at the right time, leaving him to fall alone. Ouch. He shouldn't have done that, probably, letting him fall all on his own.

“Are you okay?” Youngbin quickly sank down next to Alex, whose face planted right into the pavement. Great, like he wasn’t hurt already. Alex lifted his head. His face had no wounds, at least no new ones, but instead a big grin on it.

“What the fuck happened-” And then he laughed. Youngbin blinked, and Alex laughed, loudly, it echoed through the empty street. He sat up, then slowly tried to lift himself on his feet again. Youngbin gave his best to pull him up without being thrown to the ground himself.

“Are you hurt?” Youngbin whispered. He was. His knee had a small wound, bleeding. Thank god his jeans already had large enough holes in them and he wouldn’t have to take them off to patch him up.

“I just-” He was still laughing, loudly and fully and honestly. “What the fuck? I just, I fucking- I fucking, just- I was on the floor-”

Youngbin smiled. Didn’t laugh, because it wasn’t quite that funny, and also because he didn’t want to be any louder in the dead of night, but he could at least smile, maybe giggle a bit.

“Get home, come on. We’ll look at that wound.”

It took so much longer than ten minutes. Alex didn’t fall again, but after a while, he noticed that he did in fact have a bleeding leg now, and that maybe, it kind of hurt a little bit. That slowed him down, and also the fact that Youngbin couldn’t hold him up for much longer.

But they’d made it, eventually. With a heavy sigh, Alex leaned against the wall next to the front door while Youngbin searched his pockets for the key.

He looked exhausted, closing his eyes as he pushed his hand through his hair. His breath was heavy, as though that walk had taken all of his power. And yet, a small smile appeared on his lips when Youngbin turned the key in the lock.

“Quiet now, okay?” Youngbin whispered, and Alex hiccupped, then nodded.

The two stepped in, and as the door closed, the hallway laid completely dark in front of them, silent and untouched and seemingly unending. Youngbin reached behind him to hold Alex’ hand, guiding him through the hallway until they reached the stairs, at which point he finally turned on the lights upstairs.

Slowly, step after step, Alex climbed up the stairs. Youngbin let him slip into his room, then grabbed wash cloth and bandage from the bathroom.

Upon returning to his own room, Alex had already given his best to kick off his boots and let himself fall onto Youngbin’s bed. A couple of drops of blood had already made it onto the floor and the blanket. That wasn’t going to wash out. Youngbin wasn’t sure if he wanted it to.

“How are you feeling?” Youngbin pulled off his jean jacket again, this time less paranoid of anyone’s gaze, then he knelt down in front of Alex, pressing the damp cloth against his knee. Alex watched him, his eyes had widened. He didn’t really seem to have much to say. Youngbin looked up to him again.

“Uh-” He’d lost his train of thought, it seemed like. If he ever had one to begin with.

“Does it hurt?” Alex shook his head no, though hesitantly. “Did you even notice you were falling?” He shook his head again. Youngbin sighed, dabbing the blood off Alex’ skin and his pants.

They’d been distressed, probably by hand. Well, more than just distressed. Large parts of fabric had been completely cut out, revealing a lot of his thigh. He might as well have worn shorts, and would’ve revealed about as much skin. Not that this was a problem.

“Do you need water,” Youngbin pressed on, “or some food?”

“Mh. ‘S fine.”

“Are you sure?” The wound was small, the blood had just spread everywhere, making it look much bigger before cleaning. Carefully, Youngbin placed a bandage onto Alex’ knee. “If you need anything, let me know.”

He got up, stood in front of Alex, eyed him head to toe. His hair must’ve been styled, some strands of silver hair still sticking together from what Youngbin assumed to be a lot of hairspray. His eyeshadow was more intense, smudged eyeliner made his eyes look stronger, more intense, the way he stared back at Youngbin, seemingly analysing him as well. His lips showed residue of a dark gloss that probably stuck to bottles and cups spread all over Min’s house now.

Around his neck was a spiked collar, a couple of chains, then he wore an oversized sleeveless top, one of those he had cut the sleeves off himself, with frayed hems and uneven cuts. His right hand was bandaged, though it almost looked like a fashion statement.

Around his waist clung black leather belts, complicated harnesses like a corset, entangled with each other. They made his waist look even smaller, almost delicate compared to his wide shoulders and the broad silhouette his top gave him. Then, his pants, black like the rest of his outfit, ripped and revealing, showing his thigh. It almost made his legs look naked.

Youngbin’s eyes darted upwards to Alex’ eyes again when he noticed how he’d been staring at him, his outfit, his body, everything. It was fine. Alex was doing the same. Youngbin crossed his arms to hide his chest a little.

“So, uhm. Right, if you need something-“

“You- look good.”

Youngbin inhaled, and wasn’t sure if he should be exhaling any time soon. He nodded. No, why did he nod? He didn't agree. Why did he nod? He shook his head instead.

“I- thanks.” He should sleep. Both of them should. “We should take off your makeup.”

“We should.” Alex sat still, followed Youngbin with his gaze when he walked over to his desk to pull out makeup wipes.

He sat down next to him, pulled a wipe out of the package, then hesitated. Alex didn’t really look like he could clean his face off himself, his stare seemed fixed on random points in Youngbin’s face, not quite there, like he’d drifted off completely. So Youngbin carefully moved his hand up to Alex’ face, turning it to him, just a little closer, then softly dragged the wipe along his skin.

Youngbin could feel his stare on him. It was fine, though. It was okay.

He removed whatever was left of his lip gloss first, careful around the wound that was still there from a couple of days ago. Alex’ lips were plump and full, and Youngbin got to look at them up close, really up close for the first time. They seemed a bit dry, whatever product he’d used still stained them a deep bloody red.

Youngbin folded the makeup wipe, then moved on to his eyes.

“Close,” he instructed, and Alex listened, his eyes shut.

Careful not to stab him, or get makeup remover into his eye, or hurt him otherwise, Youngbin dragged the wipe over Alex’ eyes. The eyeshadow wiped off easily, the liner was a little more resistant. Youngbin hummed when eyeliner and mascara wouldn’t quite come off. Alex’ eyes fluttered open.

“I’m not sure if I can- get it off completely.” Youngbin moved Alex’ face up a bit. A deep reddish tone was barely visible on his cheeks. Was he wearing blush as well? He dragged the wipe along Alex’ cheeks. Nothing changed. Maybe his cheeks just looked like that, and Youngbin had never noticed.

To be fair, he was noticing a lot of things right now. How prominent his lower lashes were, long and dark. The slit in his left brow, Youngbin now noticed, didn’t seem to be just a fashion statement. A small scar had created a gap, and Alex had shaved it out to make it more prominent.

They hadn’t been this close before. Well, they had, when they had kissed. “Kissed”, if one could really call it that. They hadn’t actually kissed, like really kissed. Youngbin didn’t count it as one. He didn’t really count it, because it was an instruction, mere stage directions. Neither of them had wanted it. Desired it. So it didn’t count.

Youngbin wasn’t sure why he was thinking about the kisses again. Why his gaze had wandered down towards Alex’ lips, why he was still holding his face, still close to him. But he thought about it regardless.

He could kiss him right now.

He wasn’t going to. Of course not. There wasn’t a reason to do it. One didn’t just kiss their best friend. Well, maybe one did, but Youngbin didn’t. But he could.

Their faces were so close. Youngbin could feel Alex’ breath, slow, somewhat shaky. He could kiss him. For no reason. Just to see what it’s like. Youngbin knew what Alex’ lips felt like, but maybe they were different. Maybe he could feel the little wound, maybe he could taste the alcohol. Youngbin’s hand trailed down Alex’ face, past his cheek, then to his neck.

There was this stupid urge. The knowledge that he could do something, something incredibly dumb and idiotic. An intrusive kind of thought, the opening to do something stupid, for no reason, just because he could. Like holding a knife and thinking about sinking it into his own flesh. Like standing at a railing and thinking about climbing over it. Like crossing the street and thinking about standing still and getting hit. Like that, but less deadly. Or maybe more so.

He’d moved. Alex moved, just the smallest bit, near unnoticeable, but he’d come closer. Like he was thinking it too. Or maybe he did it by accident. Or maybe he was just drunk.

Fuck, Alex was drunk. It didn’t matter what Youngbin was thinking about, Alex was absolutely, completely drunk. He couldn’t say yes, or no, or anything at all. He could barely even comprehend a fall, a bleeding knee, so he sure as hell couldn’t work out a kiss, one as strange and meaningless and impulsive as this. Alex was drunk and here Youngbin was thinking about using him for a kiss just to see what it was like.

Youngbin shuffled away instantly, his hand laying on Alex’ neck moving to the buckle of his collar. Youngbin undid it, as quickly as he could, then took the collar off and finally moved his hands away.

Alex still looked at him, with eyes as though they were waiting for something. Youngbin felt the familiar sickness creep up in his body, mixed with a guilt that pressed onto his chest, knocking the air out of his lungs. His skin had heated up, like his face was about to melt off his skull, burning, embarrassingly burning.

Shit.

Why had he even thought about that? Considered it? Why had his mind betrayed him like this? Why was his body betraying him, the way it burned and hurt and the way it felt so damn lonely now that Youngbin had put a distance between them?

It scared him. It choked and strangled him, it felt like a gut punch to even think about it. It felt disgusting. Youngbin was disgusting. So was Alex. The way he looked at him as though disappointed was so damn disgusting.

“You wouldn’t want this,” Youngbin said, but he hadn’t opened his mouth, hadn’t let any of these words actually come out. Maybe Alex heard them regardless. He hadn’t, or he wouldn’t still have looked at him like Youngbin had just taken something from him.

Maybe he needed sleep. Maybe both did. Youngbin exhaled.

“I’ll get an extra blanket. And- we’ll also still have to get rid of all those belts.” He got up faster than he wanted, turned his back to Alex and opened the door to his wardrobe as far as possible, as though he was using it as a shield to hide from Alex’ gaze. From the bottom of his wardrobe, he pulled out a woollen blanket. It felt soft and familiar against Youngbin’s fingers. A warm piece of cloth he’d have since- always, basically. A gift from his grandma when the family left Korea.

He ran his fingers over the fabric again, took a deep breath. It was fine. Everything was fine. The mind could… wander, sometimes. It was fine. There was no way for him to control his thoughts, and he couldn’t condemn himself for intrusive little ideas like this. Like his therapist once said. Like he’d been trying to say to himself. He closed the wardrobe. Alex was still there.

He rubbed the back of his neck, his collar having left a barely visible marking. He’d managed to take off some of the chains, but seemed to have given up on the belts. So Youngbin had to do it for him. Fine. Sure. He could do that.

Leaving the blanket on the side of the bed, Youngbin sat down next to Alex once more.

Don’t touch him in a way that might confuse you. Carefully, Youngbin began to unbuckle each of the belts around Alex’ waist. Some had gotten tangled somehow, some were connected to others by chains and rings and leather straps. A mess to put on. A mess to undress.

It should’ve felt uncomfortable, awkward somehow, maybe embarrassing. The fact that it didn’t scared Youngbin.

He was delicate, careful not to touch Alex’ body too much. Just the buckles, just the leather and the metal. He’d pulled off nearly all belts, dropped them to the floor where they became yet another tangled mess of leather straps. Who even had that many belts? Who had the time to put them all on?

The last one left was a broad one, black like the others, but the buckle was decorated nicely. Seemed vintage, and pretty expensive at that.

“Where’d you get that?” Youngbin asked, hesitant to take it off.

“Mh… Don’t remember. Found it.”

“It’s pretty.”

Alex hummed. “Just a belt. Found it.”

Youngbin nodded, then worked carefully. Real leather, for sure. It was quite heavy as well, and felt high quality underneath Youngbin’s fingertips. He handled it slowly, as though it was a piece of high fashion, a treasure of some sort, an artefact. As though it was a part of Alex’ body. And Alex didn’t move.

Until he flinched, and the door opened.

“Bin, did y- Oh my god.”

Youngbin’s head whipped around to face the door, opened the smallest bit, Sohee peeking her head through. Her eyes widened, her mouth stood open, and there was a strange mix of disgust and amusement written over her face. No. No, no, no, his sister did not just walk in on Youngbin taking Alex’ belt off. No. Oh god, because that was the last thing he needed now.

“Sorry,” she hissed, shielded her eyes, “you left the lights on in the hallway. Oh my god. Have fun, guys.”

“Sohee, it’s not-” The door had already closed. “-what you… think. Oh my god.”

Youngbin fell on his back, covered his eyes. He didn’t need that, he so didn’t need his sister to think that they were- Oh god, what if she had walked in earlier? What if she’d seen them so close, what if she’d noticed the way Youngbin was thinking about-

Alex laughed. It was a giggle first, like he was trying to be quiet, then a louder laugh, and he slapped his hands over his mouth in an attempt to quiet down. Youngbin felt something warm rush through his body. Calm. Oh, it was fine. It really was.

Alex fell back as well, rolling on the side as he tried to keep his mouth shut. And a wave of relief washed through Youngbin. Like he’d been holding his breath the whole time, and now that Alex was laughing, he could do the same, exhale, let out out, laugh with him.

“She thinks-”

“Shh!”

“We, like, traumatised her-”

“Alex!” And he was laughing as well. It wasn’t that funny, but what else was he supposed to do? “Shut up, that’s awful!”

“‘M never… coming back here again. Can’t face her again, like, ever.”

Youngbin turned, facing Alex, and his stupidly big smile. It was fine.

This was his best friend. That was it. It was just his best friend.

“Wanna go to sleep.”

“Mhh…” Alex rubbed his face, reddened, probably from laughing. “One belt’s still missing.” And how his eyes fell shut. Didn’t seem like he really cared that much about the belt. Or anything at all.

“I’ve undressed you enough for now.”

“For now.”

“Go to sleep, dumbass.” Youngbin rolled on his back again, tried to sit up. He finally felt tiredness creeping into him. It was fine now.

It was all just fine. They were best friends. The thought of this being anything other than that was terrifying, paralysed him, twisted his insides. But it was fine. They weren’t more.

They were just best friends.

Chapter 21 - drunk and dazed

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