You are the answer, Kolo. The blue eyes regarded her as if she were the colossal one. You are their brightest star.

The moment repeated endlessly as she slept. Thankfully, the Iron God had a voice she could never get tired of hearing.

If you hate what I left behind, then change it. Never settle. Now rise up and fight for what you want to see.

Rise up...rise up...

Those two words stammered over and over as the blue and darkness faded. Kolo opened her eyes slowly. A familiar ceiling swam into view. She lay under a heavy wool blanket. Her white hair was a mess against the pillow. A fluffy tabby cat was curled up between her neck and shoulder.

Kolo rubbed her eyes. "Hey Channei."

The cat opened its eyes and a purr rumbled deep in its chest.

"You're really cute as a cat." Kolo watched the cat jump off the bed. "Don't know if I've ever said that."

The cat stood up on its hind legs and stretched its shape back into the one Kolo recognized as Channei. "Good to know I'm at least cute in one shape." Her voice still had a hint of a purr.

"Correction." Kolo raised a finger. "You look cute in every shape except a dead village granny with a cabinet of disgusting expired food."

Channei put a hand over her mouth. Her cheeks turned bright red with embarrassment. At least, Kolo thought it was embarrassment. Then she gave a sweet smile. "Well, how's it feeling, big deal?"

Kolo sat up. As the blanket fell off, she saw she was wearing only a thin undershirt and pants. She looked under the shirt and saw someone had bandaged her. "I mean, considering everything, I actually feel..." She touched where she had stabbed herself. "Pretty good. Doesn't really hurt."

"Aza's been losing his nerves like you wouldn't believe." Channei pulled her blond hair back. "I swear. Every time he stops by, he's like a toddler trying to see if his sister's awake yet."

Kolo smirked. "What's that make you?"

Channei raised an eyebrow. "In any case, it's only been a day, a night, and another day, but he's driving me batty. I'm sure everyone else will be too, soon enough."

Kolo stood up shakily. She didn't trust her first few steps, but found that her strength returned with ease. "What are we waiting for?" She threw her coat on. "Let's remind them I'm still kicking."

The shapeshifter cleared her throat. "Girl, your hair is a mess."

Kolo glanced at herself in the mirror. Then she sneered. "Girl, your boot's come untied."

Channei glanced down at her feet and realized an instant later that she was only wearing socks. Then she scowled. "You're insufferable."

"And you love it." Kolo straightened her hair and pushed the door open. As she stepped out into the hallway, she noticed it was oddly quiet. No talking, no footsteps, nothing. Only a faint smell of baking bread. She looked back at Channei. "Where is everyone?"

"Probably everyone's asleep. The sun isn't even up yet." Channei shrugged. "Lalek got up a little while ago, though. She wanted to make bear bread for tomorrow."

Kolo raised an eyebrow. "What's bear bread?"

"The best, that's what." The shapeshifter grinned. "Lalek's own invention. It's all seedy and nutty with berries baked in, and you eat it with syrup." Channei took a deep breath in, trying to catch the aroma. "We'll be eating well tomorrow, for sure."

"That'll be nice." Kolo straightened her necklace. The talisman felt oddly warm. Maybe it had been under the cat. "Xigon's probably awake. Doesn't he only sleep a few minutes every few days?"

"Hm. Usually." She heard Channei flop onto the bed behind her. "He's been sleeping more since the ceremony, for some reason. Still only a few minutes every time, but way more often, and he seems really tired all the time." The shapeshifter smirked. "Think he's embarrassed you threw him down like that?"

Kolo half-smiled even though she was more concerned than amused. "Wanna go see what's up?"

"Nah," Channei grunted. "I'm going back to sleep."

"Lazy." Kolo closed the door and made her way to Xigon's study.

She tried to stay quiet in the halls, tempting as it was to wake everyone up and shout from the rooftops. The smell of baking bread only grew stronger and more alluring. Kolo's mouth watered more the closer she got to the kitchen. Alas, Xigon's study was not in the kitchen.

Oddly, his door was ajar. It was as if he couldn't be bothered to force the stubborn latch shut. Kolo pushed it open slightly wider and peeked inside.

The sight that greeted her made her skin crawl.

Xigon had a red-hot needle pressed into the flesh behind his left hand. He gripped it in trembling fingers and inched it across his skin, wincing and seething as he marked the latest kill. She could see more of his arm with the sleeve rolled up – so many scars. He had made himself a living cenotaph to untold thousands. Kolo almost felt ashamed to witness such a raw and vulnerable moment. It felt like stepping carelessly on a grave. At the same time, she couldn't look away.

When it was done, Xigon dropped the needle and sank back against the wall, panting as if he had run up a steep hill. His eyes, tired and tearful, drifted up to the ceiling. He looked as if he were about to pass out.

Then he spotted Kolo through the crack in the doorway. Without a word, he raised a hand and beckoned her in.

Kolo entered. She made sure to close the door before sitting down on the floor with Xigon. He had dark circles under his eyes. They were visible even under his goggles. Kolo could have sworn she'd broken them, but he must have had a spare pair. She cocked her head. "Hey."

Xigon rubbed his forehead and blinked, as if waking from a dream. "You're up, Kolo." His lips quirked into a faint smile. "So it was worth it. I knew it had to be."

"What's the matter with you?" she asked, bluntly.

"Nothing's wrong." It would have sounded convincing if Kolo were blind.

"And Dakko's not cold." She shook her head. "You can talk about it, you know."

"I can't." Xigon clenched his fingers.

Kolo was taken aback. "What do you mean?" She scooted a bit closer to him. "If I had something really wrong with me, you'd listen, right?"

He averted his gaze.

"So why don't you do the same for yourself?" she pressed.

"I can't be weak." Xigon's expression hardened. "Ever."

It was a strange confession from a man who seemed so unbreakable. "It's not being weak, though. It's asking for help. How is that weak?"

He didn't answer.

She reached out and prodded him with an invisible hand. "Hello?"

Xigon jolted. He must have been about to fall asleep. He let out a long sigh. "I've caught myself wondering again if this godforsaken world is worth fighting for." He shook his head. "How is it that a god – a god – can die, but here we still are?"

"Because we were born." Kolo met his eyes and saw them brighten somewhat. "We never asked to be born, so we shouldn't need anyone's permission to keep on living, right?"

Xigon's eyebrows rose. "Kolo..."

"The Iron God told me to fight for what I want to see. Who said the way things are is the way they have to be?" She clasped her hands together and grinned.

"You sound just like him." He blinked, losing his battle with sleep.

"Of course," she said. "I have his heart, don't I?"

Xigon gave a faint nod.

"But." She grabbed his shoulders in ghost hands. "I'm not the god you knew." She didn't know if he could hear her, but she pressed on. "I'll do everything he can't. Just you wait."

She pulled her hands back and let him rest.

Kolo left the room, once again closing the door behind herself. She passed by the wall of paintings and brushed her fingers along the wings of her eagle. Yes, her eagle. From now on, she would not fall, but soar.

She came to the great chamber with the bluehole and stood at its edge for a moment. Her reflection gazed back at her from the glasslike water. Briefly, she wondered where the bluehole would take her if she jumped through. Nowhere important, she decided as she turned and walked away. Nowhere important. She would see this to its end.

Kolo climbed the stairs to the rooftop. She pushed the hatch open and a gust of icy wind swept her white hair back. She sat on the top stair and looked out at the first tendrils of dawn creeping across the sky. Vivid red seeping through the clouds. It reminded her of frozen earth drinking the blood of a lost girl. How strange, to think she and that broken drifter had ever shared a name.

[34] Kolo: So It Will Be

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