Devin pulls me in for a hug, and I tell him what I know he can see, “He’s not here.”

Devin holds me tighter, “I know.”

“He’s not here,” I say once again, more to myself than to Devin. The person who helped raise us and taught us everything in life is gone, and we never got to say goodbye. A wave of sadness washes over me, and I have to fight to hold back tears. After another moment, I start to feel anger build up inside of my chest.

No. I tell myself. He’s not dead, he’s just not here.

We survived, we made it out. Maybe he’s alive too. And even better, maybe he is unharmed. It is unlikely but not impossible. Maybe he is still in there looking for a way out. Maybe he has been looking for us in there this whole time, and we left without him.

These thoughts flood my mind as I stand here. I think of all the possible places he could be and all the ways that he could have gotten away from those guards he tackled.

I hope he is uninjured, but my Dad against two guards is not the safest of situations, and if he is alive, then it is safe to assume that he is injured in some way. If he is injured, then he probably needs help getting out.

I push away from Devin and look around the group of people again until I find Aiden. Aiden is standing to the side, talking to another guy who I don’t think I have seen before. By the looks of his dirty, torn clothes, he’s a Jumper like Aiden.

They are in the middle of a conversation as I walk up to them.

“I want to go back in,” I stay. I eye the two of them down, silently daring one of them to try and stop me.

The two of them stop their conversation and look at me like I’m crazy. “Excuse me?” Aiden asks, lifting one of his eyebrows in question.

“I want to go back into the carnival,” I state once again, but this time, I make it clear that it’s not a question. There will be no changing my mind. I look at them deadpanned. The anger in me I felt before is still present, and there is no masking it. “I just want someone to bring me back into the carnival so I can look for my Dad. You can wait by the maze, you don’t even have to go in. I can go alone, but I do need someone to show me how to get back there.”

The guy who Aiden was talking to looks at me like I have two heads before he changes his expression to one of sympathy. “Look, sweaty,” I raise my eyebrows so high I think they reach the moon. "The odds of your Dad still being alive are slim, and I don’t want you risking your life or any of our lives just for you to go looking for a dead man,” he says.

I don’t know who this guy thinks he is talking to, but I am not a kid, nor am I stupid. I know this isn’t a good idea, but I just want to find my father. He is my family. I have to try anything I can to bring him back if he is still alive in there.

I am about to give this guy a mouthful of my mind, but Aiden puts his hand up, stopping me before I get to say anything.

“While I don’t agree with the manner in which my friend said that,” Aiden pauses to give a quick glare at his so-called friend. “I do agree that it’s best if we all stay together. We got everyone we could find out, and now it is too risky to go back in when there will be shooters walking all around in there. I understand that many of you guys still have family in there, and they might still be in the show tent, but there is no way we can get them out safely. We can’t have everyone go in looking for their loved ones, that just wouldn’t end well. Someone would be bound to lead the shooters back here, and we can’t compromise the lives of everyone here. I’m sorry.”

"You guys compromised your own lives to go in there and bring us out. Why can't we go back in? There could still be more people in there needing someone to help them get out," I tell them.

"That was different. The more times people go in and out of the carnival through the maze, the greater the chance of one of the shooters figuring out that is what we are using, and they will figure it out and follow us out here. It is too risky to keep going in and out of the carnival. No," Aiden says.

I argue back, "I am not asking to keep going in and out of the carnival. I am just asking to go back in once. Like I said, you don't even have to go with me once we are inside, so let me go."

"If you go, then more people will want to go, and then the next thing you know, there will be a flow of people going in and out of the carnival through the maze. So no," Aiden says with more authority.

I am so angry that I can barely get my thoughts straight to speak. “Fine, I will find the way there myself,” I state and then walk away from the two of them. I make my way in a random direction, hoping it is the right one.

I know that I am not necessarily mad at them, rather, I’m mad at the situation, but I can’t help it. I want to march up to where the government is located in the town of Officials and scream my head off, maybe even punch some people, but I know that it is not possible, and it would be a suicide mission.

So instead, I make my way through the trees, trying to find a way back to the carnival, but it’s hard since everything is so dark. It also does not help that I have a tendency to get lost easily in the woods. I try not to make that known to too many people, especially Devin.

It feels surreal that just a few hours ago, I was making fun of Devin for having no directional skills, yet I have no idea where I’m going. I am usually good at navigating my way through the town since I have lived here my whole life, but the woods are a whole other thing. It also does not help that tonight’s events have messed with my mind. I am having a harder time than usual trying to figure out where I am and where I am going.

I make it to the tree line before he catches up to me. “Sam, stop,” Devin says behind me, but I don’t listen. “Sam! Stop!” He whispers yells and grabs my arm.

I turn around to face him, “He can still be alive, Devin.”

“I know,” he looks down before looking back at me, “The likelihood of him being alive is slim. While there is a small chance he is still alive, there is a hundred percent chance that you are still alive, and I would like to keep it that way. You’re the only family I have right now. I can’t lose you.”

The look on his face tells me that what I’m doing is selfish. Here I am, wanting to risk my life to find our Dad, but Devin is standing in front of me, tired and defeated, asking me not to. If something bad happens to me in there, then he will be left with no one. I should take what I have as a good thing and not go looking for things that I want.

But I really want to find my Dad.

“I just really need to know what happened to him. If he’s okay,” I say, trying to fight the tears that I feel forming in my eyes.

“I know,” Devin tells me.

I am tired. I can’t go back into the carnival by myself, it’s too dangerous. I probably wouldn’t even make it out of the maze. I look back at Devin for a minute, and then give him a small nod of agreement.

I wipe my eyes and the two of us start walking back through the trees to the others in silence. We walk with a few feet of distance between us. I don’t know if Devin knows how to get back to the group, but I know that I don’t have a clue. In the daytime, I could probably find my way around here pretty quickly, but since it’s so dark and my brain is clouded by today’s events, everything just looks the same.

“Giving up so quickly? I thought for sure you would be at the door to the maze by now.”

Devin and I both look up to see Aiden standing by a tree, looking at the two of us.

“You said I couldn’t go, so I’m not going,” I say reluctantly. He is not the real reason I’m not going, Devin is, but he doesn't need to know that. If I pretend that I am listening to him and doing as he says, then maybe I will gain some trust with him. If he turns out to be no better than the New World, then I can use this trust to my advantage.

Aiden nods in remembrance, “Yeah, well, I changed my mind, but if you don’t want to go, then you can stay here with the others,” Aiden says and starts walking past us toward the direction Devin and I were coming from.

I lift my head up skeptically, “What made you change your mind? I thought going back in was too dangerous.”

He stops and turns to the two of us. “Well, it turns out one of the Jumpers, Vesper, found a room with a list of where the government plans on taking the carnival next. He was only able to write down a few of the names before hearing a shooter coming. I plan on getting the rest of the names along with where the towns might be located.”

Aiden looks at me, “He told me the room was over by the big tent where they had the show, and I figured that if you wanted to, you could come with me and look for your Dad along the way.”

The offer is tempting, but I told Devin I wouldn’t go. I look over to Devin with pleading eyes, and he looks back at me deep in thought.

Devin’s eyes tell me no, but after a few more seconds of me silently pleading with him, he turns back to Aiden and says, “She can go only if you promise to keep her safe.”

“Of course,” Aiden says with a nod of respect.

I hug Devin and thank him a million times. “Just come back in one piece, okay?” He says to me.

I reassure Devin that I will be fine before turning back to Aiden. Aiden starts walking through the woods once more, and I glance back at Devin to give him a reassuring smile before following Aiden.

We walk for a few minutes in the trees before reaching the tree line. I can see a little bit of light shining out from where the carnival is straight ahead of us. It turns out I was half right in the direction I was walking in before.

Aiden holds his hand up for a moment and stops. “Just to be clear, we have about five to six hours before the sun comes up. When that happens, that group back there,” Aiden points in the direction in which we came, “will have to leave. The shooters will come into the town, so it will be too dangerous to stay. Hopefully, we will be out and back with them long before that happens. Move fast and stay close, understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

With that, Aiden moves towards the direction of the maze, and I follow. Maybe I’m stupid for going back in, but I need to know for sure if he is alive or not, even if that means risking my life.

Chapter 13

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