She really needed to work on getting to bed at an earlier time on Saturdays. Either that, or she was going to have to drop out of the church choir already, and she didn't want to do that. With bags under her green eyes and a yawn on her breath, she got dressed and did her makeup early Sunday morning so she could get to the church at the same time as the rest of the choir members. She was exhausted from having only gone to bed a few hours before. Inspiration had struck her, and she'd been up all night painting in her grandma's old studio. Her fingers were still stained with shades of pink and grays, and she hoped no one would notice.

The sun was bright in the sky as she hopped on her old bike and began riding to the church. She'd gotten her grandma's car registered a few weeks before, but still preferred riding over driving. The feeling of the wind tickling her cheeks was soothing to her, and she didn't want to give it up for gas and air conditioning. She wanted to enjoy the summer while she could. A few minutes later, she was pulling into the church parking lot and locking her bike to the slightly rusted bike rack. There was only a couple cars in the lot, so she knew she'd beaten most of the choir members. She stretched her arms above her head, let out a big yawn, and headed into the old church.

She was just about to make her way to the back room when she saw a familiar curly haired blond man sitting in one of the pews, staring up at an image of Christ on the wall. Brow furrowing, she made her way over to him, and when she got close enough, she noticed his eyes were closed and his lips were moving in a silent prayer. Concerned, she sat next to him on the pew and gently placed her hand on his arm. His eyes flew open as his lips stopped moving, and he turned to face her.

"Zeke?" she asked as he gave her a solemn smile. "Are you... is everything okay?"

He stared at her for a few seconds, and then slowly nodded his head. "Yeah. Everything's fine. I just wanted to get here before the others, you know? I needed to...," he trailed off for a moment, as if unsure he should continue. Then he chuckled softly and said, "I just wanted a word with the big man upstairs."

"About what?" she asked, her hand still resting on his arm. He looked tired. Almost as tired as she felt. Her teeth sunk into her bottom lip in concern before she asked for a second time, "Are you okay?"

He sighed and bowed his head, allowing his wild blond hair to fall over his light blue eyes. "Yeah. I'm okay. I've just been doing this whole gravestone thing for a while, you know? And I feel like I'm not getting any closer. Part of me wonders if he's in this graveyard at all. And if this isn't just one big waste of time. For both of us." She blinked, surprised by his words, and she was about to respond to them when he said, "I guess I just never thought I'd spend all my free time in a graveyard. It's a little... I don't know. Sobering?"

She nodded her head and gave his arm a light squeeze. "I'm sorry," she said, a frown tugging at her lips. He lifted his head to look at her. "I'm sorry we haven't found him yet. If it makes you feel any better, I have faith that we will. But maybe you just need a break from it, you know? Like, maybe you need to do something else for a little while. Even if it's just one day. Recharge your batteries. Relax. Do something you enjoy."

He shook his head. "No, I... I can't stop now," he said sadly. "I mean, I shouldn't stop." Her eyebrows shot up, and he gave her a small grin. "Sorry. I didn't mean to bring your morning down. How are you?"

She smiled back at him. "I'm okay. A little tired. I got to bed kind of late last night. Or, you know... early this morning. Stupid, because I know I have choir on Sunday mornings, so I should get to bed earlier. I just can't bring myself to do it."

He nodded, and she could tell by the darkness under his own eyes that he understood. "Well, you look great. As usual." She blushed, and then scolded herself in her mind for doing so. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. "The service will be starting soon. Shouldn't you be with the rest of the choir in the back somewhere?"

This startled her. She'd been so preoccupied by him that she hadn't noticed how many people had entered the church. He was right. She gave his arm one last squeeze before she got back to her feet. "I'll see you after service, okay?" she said, and he nodded his head, smiling up at her with that same bright smile he always gave her. The one that sent her heart fluttering as fast a hummingbird's wings.

By the time she got to the back with the rest of the choir, they were all lined up and ready. She moved to her spot with the rest of them, and together they made their way to the front of the church. As she walked up the aisle, she spotted Kiel and Doris, who had both arrived and were sitting next to Zeke. They gave her a tiny wave, and she returned the gesture before taking her place at the head of church with the rest of the choir. They sang all sorts of beautiful hymns, and usually she would've been listening intently to Gabe's sermon. But all she could do was stare at Zeke, the beautiful blond man sitting in the pews, staring back up at her with those gorgeous blue eyes. They locked eyes, and for the rest of the service they just stared at each other. He smiled as she sang with the rest of them, causing her stomach to do backflips.

When the service was over, she made her way to Kiel and Doris, who were both discussing that week's sermon. But she hadn't heard any of it. She'd been too busy staring at Zeke, and as she approached, she'd swear she saw him staring at her mouth. The two just gazed at each other silently as Doris and Kiel continued talking, and it was the best kind of staring contest. His fingers were twitching, and she wondered if they were itching for hers like hers were for his. This was getting to be too intense. Too much. She had to break away from his stare. Had to think of some way to break this spell.

"What do you think, Em?" Kiel said, and just like that, it was over. Broken. She blinked several times and looked up at her uncle. Her eyebrows shot up in confusion, and he looked at her like she was going crazy. "You didn't hear a word I said, did you?" he asked, calling her out.

She gave him a sheepish smile. "No, I'm sorry. I'm so tired. I barely slept last night. What were you saying?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to come into Oak Harbor with me today?" he asked. "I have some things to do and thought we might be able to get breakfast. Zeke, you're welcome to come too, of course."

Zeke stared at her again, but this time she didn't lock eyes with him. She knew now how dangerous that could be. "Umm... actually, I think Zeke and I already have plans. I'm sorry. But maybe next weekend?"

Kiel smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "That's okay. No worries. You two kids go out and have a good time. Soak in some of that summer sun while you can." She nodded her head. "Okay, well, I'm going to head out. Doris, you have a great day," he said, nodding his head at the old woman, who was waving at her son. "Em... Zeke... behave."

Emersyn fought a blush as her uncle and Doris walked out of the church, leaving Zeke and her behind. Zeke waited until they were out of earshot of anyone else before he looked at her, smiled, and said, "Isn't it some kind of sin to lie in a church?"

She blinked, startled. "What? Who lied?"

He laughed, and she loved the sound. Like the best kind of music. The kind that warmed you up from the inside out. "You did. You told him we have plans."

Her eyebrows raised. "We do have plans," she said, wiping the smile off his lips. His face crinkled in confusion as she smirked. "You just didn't know about them before. But I was thinking about what you said this morning. Before service?" He nodded his head but didn't say anything. She continued. "Well, I think you're right. Maybe we do need to take a break."

"Emersyn," he began, and she saw the light in his eyes dim just a bit. "I know what I said this morning. But taking a break is not a good idea. I have to find him. I have to know."

She nodded. "Yeah, I know. But that's all you've been doing, Zeke. And no one should spend that much time in a graveyard. Shoot, I bet you spend more time in that graveyard than the groundskeeper. It's not healthy for anyone. So I have an idea. Let's take one day off." His eyes filled with reluctance. "Just today. There's something I want to show you. A place I think you'll really like." His lips quirked down in a little frown, and she smiled in the hopes that it would make him smile too. She gave him a gentle shove on the shoulder. "Come on. Don't you trust me?"

And that was it. That was all she needed to say to get his lips to form that wonderful smile. His eyes twinkled as he looked at her, and then he said, "Of course, I trust you. And okay. One day off. What do you have in mind?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Not telling." His jaw dropped, and she burst out laughing. "It's a surprise. But you just said you trust me, so now you have no choice but to follow." He gave her a wary look as she grabbed hold of his arm, enjoying the feeling of his heat under her palm. His mouth fell open in surprise as she pulled him out the door. "Come on. Let's get going."

It was hard for her to believe she'd been so tired before church that morning. Now, being with Zeke, she felt like she'd somehow recharged. Like his smile had breathed life back into her soul. He was watching her closely as she dragged him down the road, leaving her bike behind to pick up later. And she couldn't help but notice that he looked more awake now too. His skin looked a little less pale, and his eyes were alight and sparkling as they made their way to the place she wanted to take him.

She was a little surprised she hadn't thought about it before. But now that she had, she knew just the place that would make him feel better. Luckily it was only a few minutes down the road. Within walking distance for sure. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, she turned to him and said, "You know what my absolute favorite part about summer is in Coupeville?" He grinned at her and shook his head. She stopped walking and took her shoes and socks off, wiggling her toes against the soft grass beneath her feet. His eyes widened in surprise. "Grounding. When I lived in the city, I wasn't able to do it much. Too many people. Too unsanitary. But here... here, I can kick my shoes off pretty much anywhere and just walk."

He stared at her for a few moments in silence. Then he sucked in a breath and said, "I've... never done that before. Just walked around barefoot like that."

Now it was her turn to be surprised. "Are you serious?" she asked, and he nodded his head. "You should try it. It's so relaxing, and can help with anxiety and depression. There's something about feeling the earth beneath your feet. About your skin making contact with grass and dirt. I don't know. It's just so calming."

His lips quirked up into another smile, and before she could say another word, he stopped and pulled off his shoes and socks too. She beamed at him as he moved his feet from side to side, feeling the grass under his toes. "Interesting," he said, but he was grinning up at her, and she could see the amusement on his face. "So you do this a lot? This... grounding thing?"

She nodded her head. "Yeah. More than I used to." Then she hesitated, unsure if she should continue. But then she sucked in a breath and said, "After my grandpa died, I fell into this really deep depression. Like, I didn't want to get out of bed. Didn't want to do anything. And I know that's normal when you lose a loved one, but for me.... I don't know. It was like I was losing my dad all over again. Only this time I understood what I'd lost. And it killed me. So my grandma taught me about grounding, and I found it really helped me. I don't know. Could've been a placebo kind of thing. But I still do it, and I think it still does help. It keeps me calm, at least."

She was sure she sounded crazy to him, but he didn't make her feel that way. He just nodded his head. Like he somehow understood how she felt. A couple minutes of silence passed between them. And then Zeke said, "Hey, Em? Can I... ask you a question?"

Her pulse quickened, and she was suddenly very much aware of how close his hand was to hers. He hadn't held her hand since the night of the bonfire, but there were several times she wished he'd just take it. Make the move. She considered doing it herself, but she kept remembering what he'd said to her that night. About how it was a bad time. How he wasn't planning on being there long, and he didn't want to hurt her. She wondered how much she cared about all that. How much was worth risking to feel his hand in hers again?

"Sure," she said, wondering what he was going to ask.

He swallowed nervously. "How... how did your dad die?" She wasn't sure what she expected him to ask her, but it was not that. Her blood ran cold, and she directed her eyes to the ground so he couldn't see the pain in them. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "Never mind. I shouldn't have asked."

She shook her head. "No. It's... okay. He died in a fire. When I was three." He stayed silent, waiting for her to elaborate. She took a breath and said, "The three of us were out stargazing. My mom, dad, and I. My dad loved the stars. I think I told you that before, right?" He nodded his head. "Yeah, well... there was a meteor shower. My dad really wanted me to see it, so we went to some park in the middle of nowhere to get a good look. I don't really remember seeing anything. I was so little that I don't remember hardly anything about that night. But I was told that, on our way back, there was a housefire in town. My dad saw it as we were driving home. He was a preacher for the church, but also a volunteer firefighter. So he rushed into the house to save the family that was stuck inside. They all got out. But my dad... well, the house collapsed before he could make it out. Crushed him. And that was that."

She didn't tell him how much that housefire really took away that night. She couldn't. It was too painful to think about. But she'd always believed, if it wasn't for that housefire, she would have grown up with both of her parents. Maybe even had a few siblings. So much would've been different. But now, as she thought back to the journal for the millionth time since finding it, she wondered if that was even true. Would her dad have found out about her mom's affair? Would they have stayed together? She doubted it. And her heart ached at the thought that it would've taken a lot less than a housefire to destroy her family.

He reached over and grabbed hold of her hand, forcing her out of her dark thoughts. She stopped walking as she looked up at him, and she saw his eyes were filled with concern. He rubbed his thumb against hers, and she suddenly wanted to cry. "I'm sorry," he whispered as his gaze burned into hers. She blinked back tears as she nodded her head. "No," he said. "I mean... I'm really sorry, Emersyn."

The thing about death is that people never know how to respond to it. They give condolences and they're always sorry for your loss. But it's just words. Most people don't even really understand what they're saying when they're saying it. When she moved to Seattle with her mom, and people asked her about her dad, she used to tell them her parents were divorced. Because if she told them her dad had died, they'd give her a sad look and say, in an equally sad voice, how sorry they were for her loss. But the truth was, it was complicated. She lost something before she really understood what it was. And yet she'd felt it her whole life, like a gaping hole in her heart. She hated talking about it. Hated reopening that wound. So... she lied. Her parents were split up. It was just easier.

But there was something about the way Zeke said he was sorry. Something about his tone. And she knew he understood her better than anyone else ever had. He'd lost his dad too. Lost him before he'd even had a chance to make memories with him at all. Her pain was his as well, and there was a comfort in that. In knowing she wasn't alone. She gave him a soft smile and squeezed his hand gently. "Thank you," she said, and without another word, they continued on their journey.

Chapter Seventeen

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