She didn't remember leaving the art museum. But at some point, Zeke had gently walked her back outside. He set her down on a park bench and rested her head on his shoulder, his strong arm around her. She could hear his heart beating, and it sounded like it was going fast. It wasn't until she really focused on his beating heart that she was able to really calm down. And eventually the tears slowed down. And then they stopped altogether.

"I'm so sorry," she said in a thick voice, hoping her face wasn't all gross and blotchy and knowing that it probably was. She wished she had something to wipe her nose on, because she hated the idea of using her shirt in front of this guy she really liked. It was so embarrassing. "I just... being in there and seeing her work like that...." Her voice trailed off, because she didn't want to get going again.

He nodded, his head resting on hers. "Emersyn, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have insisted we go there. I should've known how much it would hurt you." He paused for a few seconds, allowing her a bit more time to recover. His hand gently patted the top of her head, and her own heartbeat quickened at his touch. "And, for what it's worth, you have nothing to apologize for. It's okay, you know? To have those moments. You have to give yourself time to really grieve. And I'm here to help you. It'll be okay."

It had been a long time since things had felt okay. Years, even. Since she'd moved from her grandma and grandpa's house into her mom's apartment. It was almost like she had forgotten what okay felt like. But sitting there, on that old park bench, in Zeke's comforting arms, she felt like things were actually going to be okay again. She believed him. They stayed like that for a long time, not saying anything. And she just continued listening to his heartbeat, letting the okay feeling wash over her. She tried not to feel embarrassed by what had just happened. Tried to take in what Zeke had said to her. That it was okay to have moments. But that was the biggest moment so far. And it had happened in a public place. It was hard not to feel embarrassed.

They didn't go back into the museum. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to go back again. But they didn't do much of anything else either. They just walked around town, checking out a few shops here and there, but mostly just talking. She got the feeling he was trying to distract her from any more thoughts about her grandma, and for this she was grateful. They walked until the sun went down, and then it was time to go to the beach. She just hoped that Axel and Avery wouldn't notice she'd been crying. They would be immediately suspicious that Zeke had done something to hurt her. And that was not what she wanted at all.

"How does my face look?" she asked him, turning so that he could look directly at her.

He blinked, confused. "Beautiful. Why?" It took her a second to register what he said, and when she did, she blushed. His response seemed to catch him off guard too. "I mean," he said as he shook his head, quickly correcting himself, "you look great. Like yourself. Why do you ask?"

She sighed. "My face always looks like it's covered in hives when I cry like that. And I don't want my other friends to see."

"Oh," he said. "Yeah. I mean, you do look like you've been crying. But you don't look any less great. Besides, it's getting dark. I doubt anyone will be able to tell."

She scoffed at him. "You don't know them like I do," she said, shaking her head. "They'll notice. And I don't want to talk about it with them." She didn't know why she felt comfortable talking about it with a guy she'd known about a month over the friends she'd known her whole life. But she just felt like Zeke could somehow relate to her more than they could. She felt like he was someone she could really talk to about anything, and he wouldn't judge her for any of it.

"I bet you I could think of someway to distract them," he said. And before she had time to ask him what he was talking about, he grabbed her hand and intertwined her fingers with his. "What do you think? Will this preoccupy their minds?"

And she understood what he was saying. Distract them with something they could see directly in front of them, and maybe they wouldn't see what she was hiding beneath the surface. "It could work," she said, trying to keep her heart from exploding everywhere all at once. "But I don't want to give them the wrong impression either."

He stared at her for a few seconds, and she felt like he was staring straight through her. There was something there. Want, maybe? Something more tender than desire, but definitely riding that line. Then he released her hand, and she let it fall limply to her to side. "You're right," he said, and just like that, the want was gone from his eyes. "We don't want to give anyone the wrong impression." She wanted to say something to him. To bring it back to that moment, when he was holding her hand in his, teasing her fingers with his own. But before she could speak, he smiled kindly at her and said, "Let's go meet up with your friends."

She wished she could go back in time to a few moments ago. And she wished she hadn't said anything about giving anyone the wrong impression. She liked the way his hand felt in hers. But he was already walking away, and she thought back to her grandma's painting and hoped this wasn't some kind of goodbye. He headed to the beach, and after a few seconds of staring, she decided to follow.

The sun was starting to set, and she could see people begin to make their way to the beach. This bonfire happened every year around the middle of May. The last time Emersyn had come to this bonfire, she was fourteen years old and had gotten high with pot that Axel had stolen from his dad's toolbox. Looking back now, she couldn't believe all the trouble she'd gotten into when she was a kid. But there wasn't too much to do in Coupeville for teenagers, and it was easy to get into trouble. Especially if you were looking for it. Which she always was back then.

Not that she wasn't a good girl. She was. She never did anything too bad, and the things she did do she never got caught doing. But it was about pushing the limits. Getting attention. Not that she needed attention. But maybe part of her was trying to get her mother's attention. It wasn't like she had tried to get caught, but if she had, maybe it would be the final straw for her mom to contact her. For her mom to care. But she was too good at it. She was never busted, and her mom never came. Until she had no choice.

The fire was already raging, and there were already kids, teens, and young adults hanging around it chatting and dancing to the country music that was playing on somebody's car speakers. She searched through the small crowd, checking to see if Avery and Axel were there yet. She spotted them on a log about ten feet from the fire, both of them with a drink in their hands that Emersyn guessed was probably already filled with some hard liquor. Axel wasn't too much of a beer drinker. He liked the harder stuff. Emersyn didn't like it all that much anymore. The last time she'd been drunk was when she was away at college, and it was so lonely that every time she'd thought about drinking since then she remembered that feeling. And she never wanted to have that feeling again.

"Hey!" Axel called as he saw her approach, and he lifted his cup to her. "You came!" He got to his feet and gave her a big lift-off-the-ground hug. She laughed and then stepped over to hug Avery. "Glad you decided not to suck. You know Avery almost didn't come. Said she has homework. Can you believe that crap?"

Avery released her from the hug. "I still do have homework. And finals are next week. So I have to get home early tonight to study. No staying out until three in the morning." She gave Axel a pointed look, but he just rolled his eyes and looked away. "Oh," Avery said teasingly, looking behind Emersyn at Zeke for the first time. "You brought a date?"

She glared at Avery, who was smirking. But before she could say anything, Zeke stepped forward and held out his hand. "Hi. I'm Zeke Thatcher. Emersyn has told me so much about you guys."

"Hopefully only badass things," Axel said, taking a sip of his drink. She and Avery both rolled their eyes.

Zeke smiled. "The most badass-iest." Axel laughed, and Emersyn felt herself relax a little. She didn't know she was this nervous about introducing her friends to Zeke, but now that it was over, she was surprised with how calm she felt. But Zeke always had that effect on her. "Well, it really is great to meet you guys."

"You too, Zeke," Avery replied, smiling. "Em has told us a lot about you too. How's the dad hunt going? Making any headway?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe some? We haven't found anyone who fits the bill yet, but we've eliminated a lot of people. So that's something."

"Well, here's hoping you find someone soon," Avery said, raising her red solo cup to him.

"Oh shit!" Axel said, looking around his feet for something. "You guys want a drink? I brought cups and a water bottle full of vodka. Avery has some Coke in her purse. I could throw together a vodka soda really quick if you want."

Zeke held up his hands. "No, thanks, man. I can't drink."

"You can't?" Emersyn asked, surprised. "Why not?"

Something weird crossed his face. An expression that she couldn't quite pin down. "I mean, I can. I just don't. I'm sober. Which, being here, will probably make me look like a jackass."

"No, it won't," Emersyn said. Then she looked at Axel and said, "None for me tonight either. Sober buddies," she said as she threw Zeke a gentle smile. He gave her an appreciative grin back.

Axel nodded, then raised his cup again. "A little too late for us, man. But I respect it. Do you. Just have fun." He looked behind Zeke and smiled seductively. "Okay, I'll be back in a bit. This chick over there has been making eyes with me since I got here, and I think it's time we introduced ourselves. If you know what I mean." He winked at Zeke and walked away, leaving Avery glaring behind him.

"If he ditches me to get laid after forcing me to come out tonight, I'm going to fucking kill him," she said, taking a sip from her own cup.

And that is exactly what Axel did. Half an hour later, he and the girl were sneaking off together, probably to hook up in his car. If he brought it. But Avery didn't seem to mind, because she'd also paired off with a guy and was dancing with him by the fire. Emersyn didn't know what to do. Normally she'd be out scoping for someone too, but she was already with someone. Sort of. Or maybe not. She still wasn't entirely sure if this outing with Zeke was a date or not. She hoped it was, but she didn't know. And the not knowing was driving her crazy.

Zeke scooted closer to her on the log that Axel and Avery had been sitting on when they first got there. He cleared his throat, turned and looked at her and said, "Do you like to dance?"

She looked at him, and nearly gasped when she saw how the firelight was reflected in his gorgeous blue eyes. He was usually quite good-looking, but right now he was hot. She felt a heat rise in her face, and she was glad she was sitting so close to the fire, so she had something to blame it on that wasn't him. "Yeah, I usually do."

He smiled. "Do you want to dance?" The heat was traveling from her face downward, and she could never remember being so physically attracted to anyone in her whole life. That voice in her head that had been telling her it was just a crush and to calm down for the last several weeks went totally quiet as Zeke added, "With me?" As if she thought for a single second he was talking about her dancing with a stranger.

"Yes," she said breathlessly, and there was that look in his eyes again. Want. He got to his feet and held out his hand. She took it and they walked toward the fire. He put his arms around her waist, and they started dancing to the music, feeling the rhythm. She felt more awkward than normal, and she kind of wished she would've taken Axel up on his drink offer. But Zeke didn't seem to need the liquid courage to touch her. He slid his hands up and down her waist, and she bounced in front of him, her back to him. She could feel the sand between her sandals and her feet, and she desperately wanted to kick them off so she could feel the heat of the earth under her. Maybe if she took off her shoes, she could let the heat inside of her body seep into the sand. She closed her eyes as he grabbed her hand, and then snapped them open just in time for him to spin her around.

Her hands fell on his chest, and she noticed that it was heaving. His pupils were dilated, and now she could tell that he wanted her. And it was more than that now. He desired her. She bit her lip, and he stared at it, and she wished he would kiss her. She swept her long ginger hair back, and he stared at the exposed part of her neck. She was silently begging him to make a move. To kiss her. To take her away like Axel did that girl and show her how much he really wanted her. He ran his fingers through her hair, his fingertips gently grazing her neck. She gasped a little, and his mouth fell open at the sound.

But then it was like a switch flipped in his brain, and the desire she could see in his eyes died. He removed his hands from her body and stepped back, like she was the fire they'd been dancing around, and he'd just been burned. "It's getting late," he said, and she wondered how long it had been. "And this fire is so hot."

She nodded her head, feeling a wave of disappointment crash through her at the missed opportunity. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and saw that it was only ten o'clock. Not late at all by her normal standards. She wasn't even tired yet. "Do you want to leave?" she asked softly.

He shook his head, his lips curving downward in a small frown. "No. But you said you had to leave early. So...," he trailed off, now looking around at everything else but her. But then his eyes fell on hers again, and he said, "Do you want to get away from here? It's so loud. I can barely think."

"Sure," she said, not realizing how loud it had been because she'd been so engrossed by the way he'd been touching her. The way he'd been staring at her. They walked away from the fire, and as they did Emersyn couldn't help but notice that Avery had left too. She wondered if she'd left with that guy, or if she'd just given up on Axel and went home to do her homework.

Zeke walked them a long way from the bonfire, and when they were far enough away that they could hear only the waves crashing into the sand, they stopped. He sat down on the sand, and she joined him. Their hands were just inches from each other's, and she wished he would take hers again. Like he did before.

"Tonight was really fun," he whispered, not looking at her. It was so dark in this area of the beach that she could barely see him. "Thank you for showing me around Port Townsend. And being my date to the bonfire."

She smiled. "So it was a date."

He laughed, and the sound made her pulse race. "Okay, maybe it was a date." He took a breath and turned to look at her. "Okay, listen. I feel like... like I need to be totally upfront with you. I really like you. A lot. You are beautiful and fun and smart and sexy as hell. But it would be... wrong of me to act on any of that. I don't think I'm going to be here much longer, and I don't want to hurt you. So I think it might be best if we just stayed friends, you know?"

And there it was. The unexpected truth. He did like her. But he couldn't be with her. "You know," she said, smirking. "We could still have a good time together this summer, and just know that it ends when summer does."

He considered this for a moment. Then he shook his head. "No, I don't think that's a good idea. Besides, I like you too much as a person to do that to you. Maybe someday, you know? But it's just not a good time for me to try to start any kind of relationship. I hope you can understand that?"

She did understand. Because, if she was being totally honest with herself, she felt the exact same way. Her life was so crazy at the moment, and she was still figuring out what she wanted to do with it. Not to mention the fact she was still apparently going through the five stages of grief, if her breakdown that afternoon had been any indication of her emotional state. Adding him to the mix would just complicate things. And they'd probably both end up getting hurt in the end. So after everything, it had all led up to a sort of goodbye after all. At least a goodbye to the romance she had been secretly hoping for. But still a hello to an awesome friendship.

"You know, when I was a kid, I would tell my grandparents that I was with Avery and Axel," she said, lying back and looking up at the sky. "But I'd really just come out to the beach and look up at the stars. The only memory I have of my dad is looking up at the night sky with him. He loved the stars too, and I remember him taking me to see a meteor shower when I was really little. I loved reading about astrology as a kid, so I'd try to find the different constellations in the sky. I think... I think it just helped me feel closer to him, you know?"

He fell back with her, crossed his legs, and looked up at the stars. "Do you see any of them out tonight?" he asked.

She nodded her head. "So many."

"Tell me about them," he whispered, and she did. She told him as many stories as she could remember. And at some point during the night, their hands ended up meeting after all. She hadn't really noticed it happen. She wondered if he had noticed either. But they just fit together so well. And as always, she felt the sense of peace she always felt when she was with him. It was the only time she really felt that way at all. Everything else was always so frantic and crazy. Her mom and her art and Kiel always asking her about getting a job in town. But when she was with him, time stood still.

It was late by the time she finished telling him stories. And he just sighed and said, "Why couldn't I have met you before?" She didn't know what he was talking about, and she didn't ask. She didn't want to ruin the moment. Maybe it wasn't a goodbye after all. Maybe they were just somewhere in between hello and goodbye, not knowing if they were coming or going. She didn't want him to come or go. She wanted him to stay right there with her in that moment, holding her hand and listening to the stories she'd told herself a million times in her childhood. And just not let go.

Chapter Fifteen

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